06.17.08 LEFTY USED RIGHTY FOR KILLIN’ VARMINT

Bill Werber is the oldest living former Major League Baseball player, once a teammate of Babe Ruth and a spinner of many a yarn. One of the more interesting stories he told to an insidious rag that fires people for no good reason involved Lefty Grove hunting squirrel in the woods. It's a beaut.

The scout, Ira Thomas, goes out into the woods to look for him, and eventually, here comes this tall, rawboned guy. And he’s got squirrel tails tied around his belt [which was the style at the time - Ed.], with the heads hanging down. So the first question Ira Thomas asks him is, ‘Are you Lefty Grove?’

And Lefty says, ‘I be.’

He said, ‘Well, where’s your gun.’

‘I don’t use no gun.’

He said, ‘Well, how do you kill the squirrels?’

‘I kill them with rocks.’

He says, ‘I don’t believe you.’

And Lefty says, ‘Well, you see that insulator on that crossbar?’ And he takes one of the rocks from his pocket, and throws it with his right hand — and the glass just shatters in all directions.

And Thomas is amazed, but he says, ‘I thought you were a left-hander.’

He says, ‘I am. But when I throw it left-handed, I tear them all up.’

All joking aside, that's pretty badass story. I'm lucky if I can gun down a couple hookers with a my non-throwing hand. And forget about throwing stuff. Miss once and next thing you know they'll be a flurry of press-on nails in your eye. You only get one shot with them, unless of course you pay for two.