Come on, nuclear strike on Boston!

Fortune has it that the Baltimore Orioles have been having some difficulty winning games on Sundays. Must be all those noisome Maryland blue laws preventing them from getting needed booze before the games. One would think the Lord's Day could chase away the satanic influence of Peter Angelos. Either way, outfielder Jay Payton has an idea to stanch the slide.

The Orioles have lost 10 straight Sunday games after winning their first one in April. And once again, the loss prevented them from completing a sweep.

"We should just quit playing on Sundays and we'll be in first place," Jay Payton said. "It's just one of those stats. Maybe we need to cut the head off a monkey or something to switch it up. I think it's usually a chicken, but I'm thinking maybe a monkey would work. But that's animal cruelty. I wouldn't do that."

Thanks, Pedro Cerrano. You want all the benefits of voodoo but none of the dirty work? And everybody knows monkey paws are the luckiest part of the simian anatomy. Not monkey penises, certainly. Thanks for the bum steer, shady Moroccan merchant.