Paul Pierce wasn't the only one in Boston with a flair for the dramatic yesterday, evidenced when the Rays' James Shields plunked Coco Crisp in retaliation for a late slide the Red Sox outfielder made going into second the other day, which was in response to some other link in the daisy chain of baseball chippiness no one cares about. Crisp tried to get all slap-happy on the Tampa Bay starter before getting tackled by catcher Dioner Navarro. "Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys," manager Terry Francona chirped from the dugout.

Meanwhile, gay people in Boston are all, like, "stop defaming us" after Jonathan Papelbon joked about having "Elton John surgery" on his left arm. That's not offensive so much as inaccurate. Everybody knows Elton John surgery is administered to repair a ruptured colon as a result of teh butt secks. But, then, being the Red Sox, maybe that's what he meant all along.

Manny and Kevin Youkilis also got into a lover's quarrel in the dugout during last night's game. Hearts are a-flutter in Beantown, that's all I know.