Smile! You could have killed people!

The NFL provided two DUI arrests over the weekend, forcing me to try to give a different spin on the tired "these guys are idiots" refrain. 

First up: the Bears' Cedric Benson, who tarnished his "the cops were picking on me" story in his ongoing drunken-while-boating case by getting picked up for DUI.  The details are pretty dull: cops say Benson ran a red light and failed sobriety tests, while Benson — who refused Breathalyzer and blood tests — claims he had only two or three drinks over several hours, that the light was yellow, and that he passed the sobriety tests.  Ya know, because people who take the tests are the best ones to judge such a thing.

Also hitting the blotter by driving blotto was NFL great and former Raiders quarterback Kenny Stabler, who as you can see is an old white-haired man who still goes by "Kenny."  It's at least his third DUI arrest — the others came in 1995 and 2001.  So sad.  You'd think he'd eventually get better at driving drunk.  A guy named Stabler should be able to drive more… stable-er?  Eh, that one worked better in my head.