Don Chavez directed us to the story of Indiana basketball player Eli Holman, who last week had a conversation with head coach Tom Crean that started with Holman asking to be transferred and ended with the freshman tossing a potted plant in a fit of horticultural pique. Campus police were summoned and the student newspaper was on the scene with hard-hitting reportage.

Crean declined to elaborate on the specifics of the conversation.

Crean said there were three women in the basketball office when Holman got angry, which prompted someone to call the police.

“I don’t anticipate Eli being back at Indiana,” Crean said.

Besides neglecting to mention what type of plant it was (it's those seemingly small details that really imbue a piece, J-school kids!) the reporter really could have tried harder to press Crean on the nature of the conversation. My guess is Holman came in, said he was leaving Indiana and taking his favorite ficus plant with him. Crean then tried to take three women hostage to make him stay and Holman sacrificed the plant to save the women. Case closed. My work here is done.