A guy who plays in an ironic kickball league where they dress up in costumes IN NEW YORK was awarded the gold medal in the Douchebag Olympics yesterday. He then went to Macy's to buy a new collared polo to pop whilst riding the train home to Billyburg. Unfortunately store security didn't take a shining to his pirate costume (too many anachronisms. I mean cell phone? Really?). Also he was carrying a sword, which is considered a weapon both in contemporary cities and on the high seas. The result: AAARRRRRRRested.

A man who was carrying a rusted pirate-style sword through Macy's flagship store in Manhattan is facing charges of criminal possession of a weapon.

Police say 29-year-old Lawrence Jackson was brandishing the curved sword while visiting Macy's Herald Square store Sunday with his girlfriend.

He told police he was carrying the sword because he is a member of a kickball team whose players often wear pirate-themed costumes. He maintains he was on his way to a game when he was arrested.

On the way to the game in the home furnishings section? That's a great alibi for professional athletes. Tank Johnson can have an arsenal of guns because he plays for a Cowboy-themed team. You do want his costume to be believable, don't you?