Dude's been married barely a month, and he's already going to the Sex and the City premiere. America, take note: this is your reigning Super Bowl MVP. Nine out of ten 1840s plantation owners agree: that dude is more whipped than anyone they own.
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Pssst, Eli, you're married now, you don't have to go see crappy movies to get the poontang. Everyone knows raping your wife is perfectly legal.
my wife knows better to even ask me to go see that crap. I'm willing to make many sacrifices for my marriage, this would not be one of them.
Nine out of ten 1840s plantation owners agree: that dude is more whipped than anyone they own.
wow, matt. Too soon.
He's not whipped, it was his idea.
He must have the same condition that affects Daniel Radcliffe in Equus.
Look out Eli! That horse is coming right at you!
Maybe Eli's just a big Christopher Noth fan??? No? He's just a male gay. Fair enough.
Hopefully he pulled the old dick in the popcorn trick to pass the time.
In fairness, he thought he was going to the sequal to Seabiscuit.
To be fair, Eli thought this was a dirty movie and he now knows somebody old enough to get him in.
@sloth, nice "Diner" reference.
Under-It was better than referencing Bachelor Party because I doubt that Eli can fill the footlong bun.
*sequel
+1 Punch
I'm single, and I was invited to see this movie by a girl who would almost certainly put out afterwords. To nobodies surprise, I said no.
Eli, yes
/mandatory
They would have to pay for my ticket, give me a blow job on the way to the theatre, give me a blow job in the theatre, and bend over and take it in the pooper in the mens room for me to go see this…Did I mention that she would have to give me a blow job?
Pumpkin, you're married to the biggest dickweed in New York. Pumpkin, you're married to a tumbling, tumbling dickweed
I'm getting married in two days.
I'm sure I will be seeing this crap in three.
Please kill me.
RV-
Maybe Eli was stoned out of his gourd on Xanax.
Hey man,
You just try arguing with a girl that you don't wanna go to that movie. That's more effort than dealing with the Pats blitz.
She's pretty fuckin cute though, I will say that.
I wonder if Cooper and Peyton still give him wet willies?
@DEF, that means 2 days to back out of both the marriage and seeing that shitty movie.
He's just got so much in common with Samantha!
For instance, they both love cosmos.
He also demands all men to leave 1 hour after he climaxes.
surprisingly derek jeter was nowhere to be found at the premier
What a friggin idiot. First getting married was the stupidest thing he could have ever done. Sure shes pretty but shes going to become a pain in the ass in about 11 months. My guess is this he gets his knees destroyed and can't play she divorces him or 2 they get to the magic 10 year mark when she can crucify him for alimoney and child support. I cannot for the life of me understand why these world class athletes throw thier lives under a bus for a piece of tail.
+100 Punch. I'm crying here.
You are a life long Eagle's fan…Your consolation prize? A new wife!
Jeeze. I'm suprised Eli's mommy allowed him to stay out past 12 for this.
Nine out of ten 1840s plantation owners agree: that dude is more whipped than anyone they own.
Questionable son, questionable