Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings?  Well, yes: Jeff Brantley's insight.  And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.

1. Brigitte Bardot.  Still #1, but technically a placeholder until I find someone new.

2. Matt Leinart.  I don't understand why people act like giving college girls booze is a bad thing. 

3. Opening Day.  Welcome back, baseball.  I guess you're gonna be around the next six months, huh?

4. Chris Henry.  Good luck out there, Chris.  If the NFL doesn't work out, you always have that WVU education in Athletic Coaching to fall back on.  Or you could just stick with assault.  You seem to be good at that.

5. Pet peeves.  If you haven't read the comments to KSK's Pet Peeve Draft, you better get started.  The catharsis is palpable. 

6. Public masturbation.  Two college athletes: one in a library, one all over the Smith campus.  If they keep at it they'll get their own installation at the Brooklyn Museum.

7. Mexican prison.  Not the best follow-up to making the NCAA tourney.

8. LeBron James.  He's a German ape stealing our freedom. 

9. Andy Roddick.  Well played, sir.  Very well played.  (Note to self: get new agent) 

10. The 1980s.  Reaganomics, shitty music, bad hair, AND an inspiration for DeShawn Stevenson's birthday?!?  What a time it was! 

In lieu of an embedded video, I recommend you watch this clip from The Daily Show.  It brought me much joy.