DAVID STERN IS A SACK OF S–T
04.22.08I don't talk about the Seattle Sonics much in this forum, partly because I take Clay Bennett's hijacking of the team to Oklahoma City too personally to laugh about it, but mostly because the situation's too complex to boil down in pithy little blog posts. There are simply too many factors — from the Seattle taxpayers' history of building stadiums, to the maze of lies, villainy, and cowardice that will send the team to the Dust Bowl — to wrap it up with a nice dick joke.
Nevertheless, I still need to post videos like this one from a decade ago, where NBA commissioner David Stern says how amazing the newly renovated KeyArena is, and how proud the people of Seattle should be of it. That sentiment differs slightly from his viewpoint today, which is that KeyArena is unsuitable for an NBA franchise that happens to be owned by his close personal friend who wants to move the team to a backwater market.
Seriously, I wouldn't cross the street to piss on David Stern if he were on fire. Although I'd probably cross the street to get a better look, and to keep other people from dousing the flames. Cocksucker.
[Buzzer Beater / Supersonicsoul via SbB]

he actually voted for the arena, before he voted against it.
Seriously, I wouldn't cross the street to piss on David Stern if he were on fire.
Either would I, but I would spit on him knowing the spit would have no chance of putting out the fire while being able to say I spit on David Stern.
The Mos Eisley Sonics…you’ll never find a more wretched front office of scum and villainy.
Now now, at least you still have the Seahawks…..they are kind of fun to watch, right??
But your getting the Sounders in 09. take that 'okies'!
I wouldn't cross the street to piss on David Stern if he were on fire.
Unless I could pee gasoline. Holy crap, that would be sweet.
@Matt, Can't they move back to that fantastic place called the Tacoma Dome? Whats the problem with that place? What?
I will sit down now.
There will be a hockey team there in no time. We're going to be best friends.
I think I peed gasoline the morning after my 21st birthday.
Note the date: Today, the official position of With Leather is in full, complete and vehement agreement with that of Bill Simmons.
Also, Matt, I would have to advise you not to piss gasoline on David Stern's flaming body. You know, cause how the flame would go up the stream and onto your dick and stuff.
I'm guessing the 2 missing letters in s–t are n and o. sack of snot, right?
@Matt and Cock Flashy
I would recommend diesel fuel…no flashback. Plus if you threw Shaq on the fire it could last for days.
Unless I could pee gasoline. Holy crap, that would be sweet.
I can't bee gasoline, although it does burn like hell whenever I piss. And the piss is a little greenish-red. that's close, right?
I'm sure David Stern is rich enough to have a bunch of people designated to piss on him should he catch fire
What if all of Shawn Kemp's kids decided to form a pro basketball league that had a franchise in Seattle? Would that make it better?
/Browns fan who's seen this all before.
What if he wasn't on fire? Then would you piss on him?
@Dance Team–burning Shaq? This is getting out of hand. Now back to the Stern pissing:
Ufford, think this through–if you could piss gasoline, why would you waste it on Stern at these prices? You could hang out at the gas station (more) and be all, hey ladies, don't waste your money, I piss fuel. And they'd be all, 91 octane? And you'd be like, no, 87, fuck you anyway.
/my fantasies blow
But the mobius strip question of the day is: "Would you cross the street simply to piss on him?"
Yeah, now to help MLB and the NFL, Gary Bettman will probably move a team out of hockey mad Canada and into Seattle, a city which has shown no interest in hockey before.
I thought it was funny what WASN'T included in that video, from back in 1996: David Stern also thought that Saddam Hussein had WMDs, that sub-prime mortgages were a safe bet for any blue-collar family, advised that everyone invest heavily in Enron and Bear Stearns, and that the World Trade Center was a wonderful place to hang out, especially on the 100th floor, on any random Tuesday in September.
For fucks sake, I am sick of the pity party for Seattle! You lost your franchise fair and square, now buck up take your balls out of your birkenstocks move on. You knew there was no fucking way Clay Bennet, a extremely wealthy man from a state foaming at the mouth to get a NBA team, was going to keep them there. So don't act all butthurt now. You should have passed the fucking tax, hell Oklahoma city did and they didn't even have the team yet!!!
"Would you cross the street to piss on David Stern if he were on fire and your urine was gasoline? It's a simple question, Doctor, just say yes and we'll move on."
/Will Ferrell as Harry Caray voice
I'm sorry, Your Mom, I was too busy punching a 6-year-old kid dying of Leukemia in the face, because I was sick and tired of all the pity that dying kids get. What were you saying again?
At least they've got Shawn Kemp. That kid's got a bright future.
Can't disagree with you… it's time for a change…
Oh, I am sorry J.L. White, I forgot that children dying from Leukemia was the same as a city losing a basketball team. What was I thinking?
I would cross the street to roast marshmallows.
I think you were thinking, "God, I am a GIANT douche for making fun of a city that is losing a basketball team they rooted for 41 years, just because they didn't want to give $500 million dollars to lying sack of shit from Oklahoma." Then you went back to looking at naked pictures of Hillary Clinton.
So are you mad you had your head up your ass and ACTUALLY thought he would keep the team in Seattle? WTF? My autistic sister called that one on THE DAY of the buyout!! Seattle didn't want to give $500 million to the last owner and he is from Seattle! Go to Seahawks or Mariners games, hell go eat some organic hippy trail mix and wash it down with a nice mocha frappucino, one thing you won't be doing is going to a NBA game in your city!!!
cripple fight!!!!!
/my mom’s crippled.
Guys, guys, stop employing facts and logic to bolster your arguments. Nobody wants to see that here.
True! Sorry about that. Time to get back to the dick and fart jokes!
point JL.
your mom… your going to have to do better than swear words and exclamation points around here.
why don't you show me how it is done then?
Maybe I could say sac a' deeznuts? Does that do anything for you?
@ your mom — Maybe you wouldn't have gotten banned if you'd said something funny.
I was unaware this was Saturday night at the Improv. Thought is was a sports blog website. With all the chuckles you are throwing out Matt, maybe we could get you a gig opening for Yakov Smirnoff in Branson?
I've never understood why cities are expected to pony up money to subsidize millionaires just because their business happens to be a sport. Let 'em play on tarmac filled with broken glass.
To recap: leukemia=off-limits, autism=fair game
I live in Oklahoma, and I don't give a flying fuck about the Sonics. Keep em', Seattle. Give me the Hornets back! They're such a fun team to watch and I've loved them for so long. Nope, no fairweather fans here! None…what…so…ever.
(Chris Paul for MVP)
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hey matt. i hope you read this. bring your condescending ass down to OK and before i drop you in the polluted river (see us "okies" have pollution too) i'll show you the fun side of OK. hope you like moonshine bitch.
oh and i will say. you made it a whole month without calling bennett a douche bag. good for you.