Little League Baseball is suing Jay Kaplan, the man who founded "Christian Little League," for a pretty blatant trademark infringement. Kaplan responded the only way a righteous Christian jackass knows how: by being a righteous Christian jackass.
"GOD is the ultimate judge and has the final say," he wrote in a March 15 letter to Little League's lawyers. Before filing suit Thursday, the organization's lawyers contacted Kaplan in a March 7 letter demanding that he stop using the Little League tag. The similar names could mislead and confuse the public by suggesting an affiliation between the groups, the lawyers wrote…
"Christian Little League was GOD's idea and it is a great and wonderful idea," wrote Kaplan, who grew up Jewish and converted to Christianity. "I have no plans on changing the name GOD gave me." [...] "My position is Little League should embrace the name of Jesus. Let's start with that."
Of course, Little League's heathen lawyers had to go and use things like "legal precedents" and "reason" in their response.
"The dispute is not theological, it is legal," the lawyers stated in a second letter sent March 17. They added: "Our client has no objection to your preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. … Our client simply requests that you do so under a different name."
I don't know why they're bothering with lawyers and legal threats. Jesus freaks have minds not quite as complex as those of fish or birds — they have a tendency to get distracted by shiny things and walk through screen doors. All Little League has to do is go is set a topiary on fire and leave a note saying "Jay, Let them have the name. -GOD" and this whole thing will be over.
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GOD told me that he wanted Jay Kaplan to kill himself.
"GOD is the ultimate judge and has the final say,"
Well, do you think you can ask him to convert the years left on my sentence to time served? Or, like, sneak a file into prison? Or at the very least, hook me up with a carton of smokes?
Embrace the peace and love of Jesus or I'll rip you apart motherfucker.
No matter how hard Jay Kaplan tries, he can't remove the stench of Jew from his wretched body.
Your move, Gabe Kaplan.
"GOD is the ultimate judge and has the final say,"
Somebody let Roger Goodell know that.
Someone needs to tell Jesus he has room.
Wait, so the Little League's heathen lawyers are saying Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?
Jeeee-Zusss! Jeeee-Zusss!
Really? Florida? I was going to put a sawbuck down on Missouri or Arkansas or something.
So anyone seen the Doc-Pic "Jesus Camp" ???
Evangelicals! -100
@Swany
Let's go with Evangelicals -Eternity
So anyone seen the Doc-Pic "Jesus Camp" ???
Scary shit. Especially the scene where they have the kids pray to a cardboard cutout of George W. Bush.
Say what you will, but least the Hitler Youth had snappier outfits.
+1 Punch
Jay Kaplan doesn't know the difference between a burning bush and the bush he went behind to take a piss.
"Scary shit. Especially the scene where they have the kids pray to a cardboard cutout of George W. Bush."
Oh I know. I was so freaked out when we had to start doing that here at work, but now it just seems so normal!
Hey savior savior SWING!
When Jesus has a big game, he thanks Andruw Jones.
Jay Kaplan's world is really going to be rocked when he finds out that Jesus lied about his age and is, in fact, two years older than previously reported.
@grungedave
+33
The next thing you know everyone will want to play for the Padres
I believe there's an established legal precedent in the trademark suit filed by Pee Wee Football v. Pop Warner, The Son, and The Holy Ghost.