
Yesterday we learned that Penn State's point guard is wanted by police for masturbating in the school's library; today it's news that a UMass football player — a recent transfer from Penn State, by the way — who took his solo act public. Spencer Ridenhour, a junior defensive back, was arrested for open and gross lewdness for an incident near Smith College, the famed women's school.
[T]he woman claimed she approached the man because she thought he needed assistance, and that he exposed himself before driving away. UMass police apprehended Ridenhour Thursday afternoon following information given in a report from another young woman who claimed she saw a male driver masturbate while driving by her at a PVTA bus stop on Orchard Hill Drive.
"She got a very good description of him, and the model and make of the car," UMass Deputy Police Chief Patrick Archbald told the Daily Hampshire Gazette. "He was masturbating while driving. I imagine he was driving very slowly."
Somebody promote that guy.
Ridenhour… is also facing charges stemming from another incident earlier the same day. In the first, a Smith student reported being assaulted by an unidentified male who allegedly grabbed her buttocks in the quadrangle off of Paradise Street.
An all-girls school where you can go around, grab buttocks, and masturbate while women jog past? Paradise Street, indeed.
(Thanks to super-smart dolphin Freddy McBubbles for the tip)


Sounds like somebody has a case of the Carl Mondays
grabbed her buttocks in the quadrangle
Is that medical term for the taint? He would've had to reach deep to grab that. It's no wonder he got caught.
whole new meaning to the "minuteman"
@specialK
The quandrangle off paradise street…
so you might be dead on with the taint theory
You jerkin it?
Um, ass. Indeed.
What's this world coming (heh) to when you can't even diddle yourself in the privacy of your own moving vehicle.
How about a countersuit for the woman peeping through this guy's car window??? Can't a man masturbate and drive in peace?
I imagine he was driving very slowly.
Rookie.
I imagine he was driving very slowly
Everybody's a fucking comedian these days.
"He was masturbating while driving."
Yeah, but was he talking on his cellphone too? Because that really pisses me off!
[T]he woman claimed she approached the man because she thought he needed assistance…
Clearly he DID need assistance, but did she help him out? Noooooooo.
"She got a very good description of him….."
"Well, there's a head, a shaft, some balls, hair, maybe pressed permed hair, and some glitter sprinkled on it."
How bad is it when you have to be in your car to masturbate? Back in the day, you could just go right up in the hallway dorm and knock one out right there as they head to the showers in the morning…Cup of coffee, a smoke, and knocking one out in a girls dorm…Take out the screaming and campus security, it was a peaceful way to start your morning.
Transferred from Penn State to Umass? It's good that he found another hobby besides football.
The late Eddie Griffin is not impressed.
From how Smith was represented in Lisa Simpson's dream (in the George Plimpton/spelling bee episode), I don't think Mr. Ridenhour was going to get any "assistance" from the local lasses.
Now if he was a Bryn Mawr coed and played lacrosse, that's a different story entirely.