
As we all learned in the wildly popular grammar book Eats, Shoots & Leaves, punctuation matters. For example, a Big Mo is a giant coffee cup that used to be available at Motomarts in southern Illinois. A big 'mo is someone who's really really gay. And a Big Mo' — note that the apostrophe comes after — is a gay candy bar emblazoned with Dale Earnhardt Jr's face.
I've seen some good gay journo-porn in my day, but this is the best ad copy porn I've ever seen.
What is Big Mo’? Sure, it’s a candy bar, but it’s also everything that Dale Jr. loves—including chocolate, peanut butter and caramel. Big Mo’ is racing. The way you need it like oxygen, because it’s in your DNA and if you’re not around it, you can’t keep going. Big Mo’ is your buddies. Hanging out ‘til all hours of the night crackin’ jokes, playing pool and just kicking back and having a good time like you always do. Big Mo’ is being true to yourself. When you get right down to it, that’s the only thing that matters—doing what you love because you love it and not needing any other reason.
That's right, no need to keep your love of big 'mos — oops, Mo's — in the closet any longer. "Let them fill you up until you sigh in sated ecstasy! Savor their sweet taste that warms your insides! It's like sucking on Dale Jr's cock!" Wait. Uh… scratch that last one.
[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip; see also: on 205th]


I don't get this at all. Apparently, Big Mo' is everything else besides just a glorified Twix bar.
Dale's daddy also has a candy bar appropriately named Big Broken Neck.
I've heard that Big Mo' tastes like the unwashed balls of Mo Vaughn. Should sell well in Boston.
They should have called it the Flaming Mo'.
Wait. What?
@Enrico
I don't get it.
And all this time I thought "rubbin's racin'" was the gayest thing said in NASCAR.
Big 'Mo is your anal fissures acting up again.
I know I can't keep going if I don't have enough oxygen in my DNA. That's just science.
The gayest thing said in NASCAR is; Jeff Gordon-Rainbow Warrior.
Big Mo' is like that time behind the boathouse.
Or that Turkish prison.
Or movies about gladiators.
At least the "candy bar in your DNA" part of it explains that fat "pumbles" kid from a while back.
Grab a Big 'Mo! Beacause it's in your DNA.
"It's not a choice! I was born gay!"
Big Mo' is like a massage from Uncle Bruce.
Tony Parker loves 'em!!
Hey wait a minute. I thought it wasn't gay if you were the one getting your candy bar eaten, not vice versa.
Big Mo’ is your buddies. Hanging out ‘til all hours of the night ..
Big Mo did that hot girl's fat friend so I could take her home. Thanks, Big Mo!
Big Mo did that hot girl's fat friend so I could take her home. Thanks, Big Mo!
And Big Mo' promised not to tell anyone about the night we double teamed that trannie in the alley behind that bar – and he kept his word! You're a pal, big Mo'!
You notice how the "creamy caramel" is headed right for his lips? It's like …. Awww, shit. I've caught the gay, haven't I?
You know who loves this candy bar?
Dick Trickle.
"No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you… he *butt-fucked* you. And butt-fuckin', son, is racin'."
I love the big "KING SIZE" emblazoned on the ends, that just makes the porn comparisons even more obvious
Dick Trickle.
I stand corrected. Can't believe I forgot about DT.
I used to suck BIG MOs all the time from a little Motomart in Carterville, IL. Shit.
Did anyone else notice this?
Dale Jr’s Big Mo’ is available at:
Rite Aid
Big lots
H E Butt Grocery
Dollar Tree Stores
Selected Walmarts
Selected CVS
Lowes Food…
I do not think it is a coincidence that a Big Mo can be found in a H E Butt…