This is going to be an absolute pain in the ass since I've pretty much ignored most of the news that went on this week and ran whatever I could post with pics of chicks. I guess I can recap that awesomeness. Fortunately, I gather none of you have any real emotional investment in power rankings of any sort.

1. Megan Fox. Someday we'll be stuck in an elevator together and you'll BE fucked so badly that you'll be taking the stairs for the rest of your life. Intentionally left open for interpretation. 

2. Scarlett. Just for this week, honey.

3. Brett Favre. Your list of chores is on the fridge.

4. Allison Stokke. This return is on par with that of Eddie Murphy and Superman III.

5. Chinese women. It's like a treasure hunt, but with your fingers and tongue.

6. Erin Andrews. If she had a dick, I would suck it. Probably. Maybe. If I was drunk…

7. Suzy Kolber's latest "assignment." The turkey baster jokes are my favorite. And glad you guys liked the pic.

8. That skier that lost a leg. Fortunately, he had a spare leg. That sound you hear is my dad rolling around on the floor, laughing his ass off. 

9. The AAFL. We hardly cared about ye.

10. Pesky rare birds and the environment. Fuck the environment.

– Monday Morning Punter