This is really bad.  I consider myself a baseball fan, but I couldn't bring myself to give two shits about the A's and Red Sox opening the season in Japan.  Normally I wouldn't care about not caring, but the baseball season is, like, ten months long, and it's the only thing that's going on in July and August.  I'm going to NEED baseball to be interesting.  So who's to blame for my apathy?

Well, in a word: Japan.  They host Opening Day, only it's not really Opening Day, and the time is all out of whack and no one else is playing real games yet.  And fucking NOWHERE did we get some MLB-related tentacle porn.  Hell, I'd settle for some of that tree porn.  You know what I'm talking about.  Just imagine Bud Selig as Little Red Riding Hood, walking through the forest, lots of evil trees… you can imagine where it goes from there. ("He fixes the cable?")

Anyway, the A's evened the Japan series with a 5-1 victory behind an excellent performance by Rich Harden.  Box score here.  Feel free to check it out, but you'll have to look elsewhere for tree rape.  Lousy baseball.