For all you bracketeers who are looking for ways to get out of work next Thursday and Friday, look no further: all you gotta do is have surgery on your genitals.

"When March Madness approaches you need an excuse … to stay at home in front of the big screen," the clinic's radio ad says. "Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts. It's snip city." [...]

The sports radio station broadcasting the clinic's ads promises to send each patient a recovery kit of sports magazines, free pizza delivery and a bag of frozen peas… "The frozen peas are malleable enough that you can get them right in there and get the swelling down," [Institute Administrator Terry] FitzPatrick said.

Of course, this only works for guys.  If you're a chick, the recommended technique for getting out of work is using the word "menstrual" or "gynecologist" in a sentence, and bingo!  You've got the next two days off.  Because your boss just wants to look at and touch your vagina after the two martinis he had for lunch, he doesn't want weekly status reports.

[Hugging Harold Reynolds]