UPSET-MINDED TEAMS CAUSE RECESSION

Hey, did you notice that 8 of the Top 25 ranked college basketball teams lost yesterday? If I knew it, I had forgotten. Or perhaps I was living in denial until I just received a pleasant telephone call from my bookie. Not only did #1 Memphis lose to #2 Tennessee in a thrilling game last night, but several other disasters to my personal economy occurred:

• #17 Washington St. 55, Arizona 65 – I'd enjoy being seduced by a cougar, but I guess I'd rather have sex with a wildcat.
• Kent State 65, #23 St. Mary's 57 – I assume the Catholics felt guilty for that fracas at KSU in 1970. We feel guilty for everything.
• #24 Kansas St. 86, Baylor 92 – Unmurdered ballers play much better. What? Too soon?
• Nebraska 65, #22 Texas A&M 59 – No, I didn't bet on the Aggies. Do I look that stupid? Don't answer that.
• Villanova 67, #13 UConn 65 – Too bad, had I woken up for Mass this morning I would have donated some money to the Augustinians.
• #16 Drake 71, #8 Butler 64 – Michael Vick would have liked this game.
• #4 Kansas 60, Oklahoma St. 61 – Memo to Bill Self: You owe me a knee cap sir.