This year's section of the SI Swimsuit Issue dedicated to athletes' wives brings us photos Michelle Damon (wife of overpaid Yankees CF Johnny), Ingrid Vandebosch (wife of NASCAR's Jeff Gordon), Carmella Garcia (beard of Bucs' QB Jeff), and La La Vazquez (fiancée of the Nuggets' Carmelo Anthony). And as you can see WAIT WHAT IS CARMELLA WEARING? I haven't seen a waistline that high since I burned down the old folks' home. What the hell are they doing covering up her stomach? They know she was a Playmate, right? I already have pictures of her stark naked on my hard drive, I don't need photos of her in some upside-down corset.
This is like when Jenna Jameson quit straight porn and started doing only lesbian scenes. It's like, hel-loooo, I already have the tape of you getting hollowed out by a group of dudes dressed as members of the Royal Air Force. I watched it last night. Don't play coy with me.