Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings?  Well, yes: sex with Joe Buck and Jim Nantz. And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.

1. ScarJo.  Here she is at the Berlin premiere of The Other Boleyn Girl.  Hair: terrible.  Tattoo: regrettable.  Everything else: A+

2. Soccer WAGs.  Abigail Clancey > Gemma Atkinson ≥ Cheryl Cole.  Not that I'm picky.  I'm willing to settle.

3. 1984.  The year, not the book.  And we have this Blue Jays spring training video to thank for it.

4. Ichiro.  As long as he keeps providing quotes like this, I may be able to tolerate baseball season.

5. The Royal Court.  The Kings dancers made yet another appearance this week.  I won't rest until I've unearthed them all!  Actually, I'm kinda tired.  I'll probably rest a little.

6. NASCAR Internet love.  Meet Me At The Races, ladies.  Or maybe just guys with long hair.

7. Rod Council.  Oh, who hasn't ruined their D-I football scholarship with the occasional armed robbery?

8. Barack Obama. Where's YOUR throwback MLB t-shirt, Hillary?

9. Horse fighting. It fell in the rankings because the photos actually made me feel some kind of sympathy for horses.

10. Motocross accidents.  I regret nothiiiiiiiiiiing! As Hugh B. Brown noted, "I never knew pyrotechnics could express sarcasm, but there it is."

Video of the week: props to swanychitown for dropping this one in the comments.  It's the most fabulously awful song I've heard since those Quizno's ads a couple years back.