Too much going on today; gotta cram these law-breaking leftovers into one post.
TWO CANADIENS SPENT THE NIGHT IN JAIL — Defenseman Ryan O'Byrne was charged with felony grand larceny for stealing a woman's purse; forward Tom Kostopoulos merely resisted an officer. "They were arrested around 3 a.m. outside Whiskey Park, a popular watering hole in South Tampa. The incident started when a woman set her purse on the counter top, according to the police report. She noticed it was missing and allerted [sic] the bouncers. They saw O'Byrne outside with the woman's purse in one hand and her cellphone in the other." To be fair to O'Byrne, he was going to return the purse and phone as soon as he finished taking cell phone pictures of his cock. (via FanHaus)
OHIO STILL OHIO — "Police in southwest Ohio said three members of a freshman high school boys basketball team are expected to be charged Monday with gross sexual imposition after an alleged assault on a teammate… A police officer wrote in a report that the alleged victim said a teammate made him have sexual contact with another teammate." Nothing says builds camaraderie quite like anal violation. It's the real reason prisons have such high recidivism. (via Deadspin)
LEGALIZED PROSTITUTION FOR NEXT WORLD CUP? — It's either that or organize an anti-Cristiano Ronaldo task force. (via YardBarker)
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Nothing says builds camaraderie quite like anal violation.
Northwestern owes you some money.
Thanks, swany; I fixed it.
By the way, you owe us some laughs.
I'm guessing I'm the only one here who'd actually like to see those cell phone pictures. I'd happily allow O'Byrne to snatch my clutch… Smello? Vanilla Berry?
FINALLY….hockey get put on the sports map. Hopefully over the next few days we get some domestic assaults and monkey knife fights to really put this sport over NASCAR.
You can have your skaters back if you promise to keep Berman in that airport jail.
This is true.
…domestic assaults and monkey knife fights…
Is OJ back in the news?
Spain Train, he looks like a date rapist to me. Good choice.
Honestly, I was a little too terrified by the anthropomorphic state to focus on much else in that picture. Ohio will now haunt my dreams.
"forward Tom Kostopoulos merely resisted" Wow that's like the whole career of Kostopoulos summarized in a few words.
Ahh yes, anal rape. The only thing that could make being in Ohio any worse.
@ Sweetness: Don't you mean clutch your snatch?
Guh, I'm going to be attending a summer wedding in Ohio and really, I'm just quivering in anticipation. They are going to have fucking skyline at the reception. No word yet regarding possible wearing of Bengals/Browns Unis.
Bailey would not discuss the exact nature of the alleged attack.
Cinemax reports that the women's team, after an especially sweaty practice, forced two teammates to make out in the shower.
The young men watching through a hole in the wall suffered mild injuries when the pipe they were standing on broke.
gross sexual imposition
Isn't that just what wives call sex with their husbands?
who?
yes, fuck ohio.
and maybe, as long as they are post-op.
I was on the Ohio State basketball team, but when they told me Greg Oden was going to fuck my ass I joined the chess team. At least they soft, gentle hands.
What's the big deal?
//proud Ohio resident