two chihuahuas were poisoned while under the care of Archuleta's mother.
“There were meatballs with green pellets sprinkled on them lying in the backyard near the dog bowls,” said the mother, Vange Archuleta. She said the dogs, Ace and Ren, were about 11 years old when they died after the tainted meatballs were thrown into her backyard…
Chandler police detective David Ramer said officers pursued several leads in the case but couldn’t identify any suspects. He said the case is currently suspended.
Really? Several leads? Apparently Chandler, Arizona is a haven for Cold War operatives and Shakespearean villains.
Listen, I'm not a big fan of chihuahuas — no self-respecting man is — but you can't just go poisoning whatever dogs you don't like. You have to electrocute or hang them as Michael Vick intended.
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poison me with those meatballs.
Did they ever consider that it was a dog suicide? I mean, you have to think that the dogs had seen their "dad" try to cover a WR, right? Embarrassing.
Fuck man, did you have to mention he played for the Bears?!
Oh – so that's the girl Adam is trying to look like. I understand now.
PS – Jen, honey, that's not actually a shirt.
My pomeranians could have kicked the shit out of his pussy dogs.
This is a sad, sad story. You know what else is a sad story? The one where I look at Jennifer Walcott on a monitor while an over the hill NFL safety gets to have sex with her.
In this sad story, I'm not wearing pants.
Make some joke about meat and balls……can't do it…….breasts so large!!!!
That's his girlfriend? Because the story doesn't really make that clear. I thought it was just a random picture of huge boobs. And I was fine with that.
Im just going to assume that theres some 'Johnny Appleseed' guy going around throwing poisoned meatballs at rat-dogs.
God Speed to you, Johnny Meatball, god speed…
I'm guessing the dogs wewre killed by someone who saw Archuletta play for the Bears this season and wanted him to feel the pain they felt watching him get burnt by every single reciever he covered this year…
Christ, he's more woman than what's left of her.
Not saying I wouldn't mount Ms. Walcott like an angry badger, mind you.
I'd fuck her until her implants moved up into her shoulders.
Because of his play this season, which was the worst I have ever seen by an NFL safety (thats not hyperbole, thats the truth), I'll say what all Bears fans are thinking….
….shoulda been you, Archuleta.
I'd fuck her until her implants moved up into her shoulders.
Mental image of the day. Bravo.
Am I the only one who actually read that the dog's belonged to Jennifer, not Adam? Or was I supposed to be fixated on the boobs? Oh crap…
/looks up Brady Quinn's number
Yo quiero meatballs…AAIIIEEEEEE!! Los meatballs es malo!!!
/not really bilingual
In order to console her, Adam tried to fuck her doggie style, missed and just wound up humping her leg.
I wish he had sucked for a different team, but those do look like a couple of great reasons to not really give a fuck about football
I can tell you exactly what happened here. The dogs were barking incessantly, annoying the everloving shit out of every neighbor within hearing range. Someone finally snapped, bought some rat poison (hence the green pellets), stuck it to some meatballs, and tossed them over the fence.
What makes me so sure this is what happened? Let's just say that I had the same problem in Johannesburg, and the only thing that kept that dog alive is that he was a few houses away and I have the throwing accuracy of Phil "Chastity" Rivers.
Apparently Chandler, Arizona is a haven for Cold War operatives and Shakespearean villains.
I've never been so proud to be a Chandler resident.
/strokes evil handlebar mustache
A whiteboy NFL player who played safety? Can't be. No wonder he sucked and I've never heard of him.
/And not only would I eat a mile of Jennifer's shit just to get to her, i'd also eat the shit from both of her dogs and the tainted meatballs while I'm at it.
Archuleta (while with Washington, the highest-paid safety in NFL history), has an Italian Greyhound named Pierre? The 2007 season is starting to make a lot more sense.
You and me both, Rastas. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make some more tainted meatballs. (Watch your dogs, Mr. Plummer.)
Methinks Samuel will be using his magic sock again.
The Three Men and A Baby Kid hasn't aged well