I'm a little late getting around to this, in part because of this Philip Rivers of a headache I've got, but mostly because there was a bunch of confusion whether the Randy Moss in question was the Patriots star wide receiver.  Turns out, yes: a Florida woman filed a restraining order against THE Randy Moss, and Moss has already denied any wrongdoing.

At Gillette Stadium this morning, Moss addressed the allegation, saying he’s “never laid a hand on a woman in 30 years.”

HAW-HAW!  30-year-old virgin!

In the court papers, Washington says the alleged incident occurred on Jan. 6 at her home. Washington alleges Moss committed “a battery upon (Washington) causing serious injury. (Moss) refused to allow (Washington) to seek medical treatment.” Washington claims the two have been in an “intimate relationship since 1997.” She also claims in the papers that Moss has guns and has “a drug or alcohol problem.”

"Oh yeah, we've been intimate for over a decade.  He's got a drug problem or a drinking problem, I'm not really sure which.  What, am I supposed to know everything?  I've only known him for a decade.  How many fingers does he have?  I dunno, eight?  Nine?  How am I supposed to remember something like that?"