From time to time I like to provide you, the reader, with updates on the case of Tom Porras, the high school track coach who invited one of his athletes, a 17-year-old girl, into his home, fondled her under the pretense of "athletic massage," then ejaculated on her, then told her his semen was massage oil. Pretty awesome guy, right?
Well, good news if you like for sexual predators — and who doesn't? — because the judge ruled that his confession is inadmissible in court.
[Judge Helene Abrams] said that Scottsdale detectives ignored Porras' requests "at least three times" not to be questioned about the allegations… "The detectives did not scrupulously honor Mr. Porras' request to remain silent" Abrams wrote in her ruling. "They did not honor his request at all."
Other Porras requests not honored by the detectives include two-way mirrors for the girls locker room, high school girls who aren't so prude, and a Heath bar. Oh, not that kind of Heath bar, this kind.
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we're getting a little fecal obsessed as of late, aren't we matt? is there anything you need to talk about? we're all friends here.
Osi Umenyiora: "Heath bar? Shit son, we calls em chocolate dipped cones at the crib."
I see what you did there.
Dude, sweet mustache.
/Drew Peterson
Dookey or shit? There's a difference?
Sound to me like he got off several times already, I don't understand the headline…
Caka Poo-poo.
Is that actually the midget from Pat-Riot? If so….Thats Badass
i'm told that Lois Smart has offered him a job as a handyman to help him get back on his feet.
i'll show myself out.
I'm gonna try to get my girlfriend/boyfriend to have a Heath Bar tonight.
Re: heath bar, at what point does it start to taste like chocolate for your girlfriend/boyfriend?
Maybe he was the "masseuse" Heath Ledger was expecting. See what I did there with the "Heath"? Yes, I'm that good. Four quotation marks good.
Porras hasn't had a victory this big since his days with the Albany Firebirds.
TOM PORRAS IS GOING TO GET OFF
Isn't that what got him in this situation in the first place?
/No problem taking the slow lob
ah, shit, sorry swany
The only problem I see here is, how do you get your hand that far up in your ass to get that much shit to make your dick look like a HEATH BAR? Pancakes my friends, shitting pancakes!
Reading that comment means I thought way to hard on that topic…Sorry.
That's disgusting. Porras' shirt, that is. He definitely bought that at the Toilet Store. Tiles? Meh.
Don't get me wrong, Tom Porras is hilarious. But I'm not sure that the constitution was meant to honor the requests of a mustachioed guy that nuts on the backs of teenage girls.
au contraire, enrico. the constitution was made ESPECIALLY for the mustachioed guy that nuts on the backs of teenage girls. that's the beauty of american freedom – and why the terrorists hate us.
Easy fellas, let's try keeping it clean.