01.04.08 POWER RANKINGS: CAMPAIGNS AND CAUCUSES
Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings? Well, yes: endless cuts to the fucking bands during BCS games. And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.
1. Scarlett Johansson. Hmmm… the floppy beret and ugly dress say "unwanted body hair," but the big rack and Obama pin say, "Let's fucking party." If she keeps stumping for Obama, I've prepared a long list of "campaign trail" innuendos.
2. Fin. The Canucks' mascot gets it on with Pam Anderson, ensuring a future generation of whorcas. (thanks, W.A.S.)
3. Andy Roddick. Screwing a swimsuit model gets you everywhere in my power rankings.
4. Bill Parcells. (assembles staff) "Let's see… you're fired, you're fired, you can stay. Nah just kiddin you're fired too."
5. Dark Fudge Drizzlecorn™. Sound gay? That's because it's got Joe Buck's name on it.
6. Mike S. Here's what this shithead wrote to me after I banned him: "Good thing you erased my comments, wouldn't want your faithful audience to think you sucked. Good luck with the website and I hope your skin gets a bit thicker."
So now you know the awful truth. This site sucks, and I just ban truth-tellers like Mike because I'm trying to keep my readers, not because I hate dealing with America's Funniest Home Video-loving assholes who add nothing funny to the comments. God I miss killing people sometimes.
7. Scottie Pippen. If he doesn't get that Bulls coaching job, he can still shill for Mr. Sub.
8. Kenny Irons. Nice socks.
9. Kevin Youkilis. Take down a SlumpBuster, indeed.
10. The Winter Classic. Nice job, hockey. There may be hope for you yet.
Random video of the week: Raquel Gibson is attractive.
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/megan-fox-nyt-out-11.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/amanda_harrington-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/mermaid-135x135.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/isla-fisher1-115x115.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/kate-beckinsale-115x115.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/10/rio-115x115.jpg)
There are 27 comments about:
POWER RANKINGS: CAMPAIGNS AND CAUCUSES
America's Funniest Home Videos is the best show on TV. I especially love when the little kids hit their fathers in the nuts with baseball bats.
Hey, I got nothing against AFHV. But anyone who has a commenting account just to support the show and tell me I suck can get bent.
I wish they would make a cereal out of her. I can't think of a better way to begin the day than by putting my dick in my breakfast. Oh yes, it would be that kind of party.
@bp
Isn't that what Cheerios are for? Myself, I prefer hot Malt O Meal.
I wish they would make a cereal out of her.
Teaties?
Coming up on Dateline: the truth about America's Funniest Home Videos this ex-Marine doesn't want you to know!
See, now I'm going to have to do an image search for this chick, and then do the 'look at the pictures while checking behind me in my cubicle' for the next five minutes.
However, it does add a bit on danger and intrigue to masturbation if you do it in your cube at work. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Now that you have deleted his comments, I will never know that you suck. Well played, sir. Well played.
VNY–last I heard, the only "ex" Marine was Lee Harvey Oswald. For everybody else that shit is womb-to-tomb.
Scarlett's dress is perfect for stumping
You've got nothing against AFHV? How about the fact that they foisted that assbag Bob Saget on us for years.
I'm pretty sure we all got commenting accounts to defend AFHV, but stayed for the random erections WL causes throughout the day.
HHY–per Dave Attell, the two words you never want to hear while masturbating are "You're Fired." But if you do, don't stop, because you're on your time now.
Obvious ScarJo photoshop-job. I mean, a telephone with a cord?!?
I hate jacking off in the office, but it doesn't mean I don't do it.
But anyone who has a commenting account just to support the show and tell me I suck can get bent.
To be fair, I really don't need Mike to know that this site sucks. I do, however, need Mike to hold me and make me forget how lonely and sad I am.
I mean, hooray football!
Raquel Gibson looks nice bent.
"Whorcas" that, my friend, is why you make the big bucks.
Wait a sec…I'm supposed to be getting paid for this?
Remember that one time that kid hit a line drive right into his pops nads? Bob Saget, we hardly knew yee. Be a sport and give us another profanity laced music video! This time whilst nailing an Olsen, and then give Lance Armstrong a high five! Yeah, Eiffel Tower!
Tom Bergeron > Ufford
You do realize there's some pretty hardcore armpit-poking in the "related videos" section, don't you? Shit, I just creamed all over my keyboard.
Lente Loco > AFHV
@Yamabushi
You are a gentleman and a scholar. Saludos.
good fucking lord Matt, thanks for the video
I almost just fell out of my work chair
I'm glad to see someone else followed the Rachel Gibson link from the video that was on WithLeather. Was it Chris Bosh? I don't even remember, but I went straight to that video. Glorious.
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