From the always sharply written and rarely spell-checked PR Newswire comes this piece of exciting news: Isiah Thomas's popcorn company has hired FOX's lead football announcing team to hawk food guaranteed to make America fatter.

Dale and Thomas' very own popcorn chef, Chef Ed, welcomed Troy Aikman and Joe Buck to the top secret kitchen in its headquarters, to create the ultimate in game day snacking. Americans eat a staggering 4.2 million pounds of popcorn during the Big Game, and that's why these two football personalities have collaborated with Chef Ed to craft two brand-new signature gourmet popcorn flavors; Halftime Chili and Sour Cream(TM) and Dark Fudge Drizzlecorn(TM) with Praline Almonds.

In addition to these mouthwatering popcorn creations, Dale and Thomas is offering a limited edition, collectable [sic] glass popcorn bowl, with the signatures of special guest chefs Mr. Aikman and Mr. Buck. This bowl will become a keepsake for football and popcorn lovers alike, and a staple for any football watching party.

Most excitingly ten of these limited edition boxes will contain an authentic signed letter from Joe Buck and Troy Aikman that will entitle the recipient to an autographed football from these two football greats.

Wait a sec, Joe Buck is a football great?  What team did he play for?  Is he in Canton?  Hmmm… maybe if I got a job because my dad was a famous baseball announcer I could be a football great, too.  Douchebag.

[Awful Announcing]