
NBC's revamped version of "American Gladiators" launched last night, and the general consensus is that it sucks humongous cock — like Militia! Zing! Among the chief complaints are: Hulk Hogan is terrible, Laila Ali can't speak, one of the female gladiators is a poorly disguised man, and the show is driven into the ground by constant camera cuts and excessive production.
Awful Announcing has video of the debacle, while My Brain Says Rage (now with more rage and less editing) has a full by-event review that's somewhat less than flattering.
Apparently Hogan also went to the Mike Adamle school of announcing, where he just makes statements or inane rhetorical questions and puts the mike in the person’s face. “So Bob, you score 4 points brother!” And then nothing. Holy fuck is this show bad.
I watched about five minutes of it, and yeah, it sucked. But all of the changes are on par with how American TV has changed in the last 15 years; the show itself really isn't considerably worse. What people aren't taking into account is that their taste sucked back when they saw the original show. You can never underestimate how shitty kids' tastes are. There was a time in my life when I thought my older sister's Pixies album was stupid because it wasn't as good as MC Hammer. I also liked the original "American Gladiators." Connect the dots.


Third from the right … what the fuck is under her shirt?
The second chick in from the left is totally bangin.
They wasted sooo much time with the gladiator taunting and the wholly unnecessary production… and the frigging commercial breaks… they were just asking me to change the channel. Cut the time wasting down, add another event, and keep that Wolf dude muzzled and maybe we can talk.
Although I am looking forward to seeing the blond I caught a glimpse of in the promos for tonight.
I cannot tell if that orange monstrosity is Malibu from the original AG or if it is Liono from Thundercats.
+1000 for the Bono-esk Power Mullet though.
I'm just glad that douchebag Jeff lost to that 100 pound chinese kid.
Doolittle by the Pixies is a great album.
Highlight of the night was Gina Carano…gorgeous.
[www.youtube.com]
The Pixies are better than MC Hammer?
The Greatest takes issue with your assessment of Laila Ali's speaking skills.
Shit, I didn't even know it was on! Is that Kip Winger I see on the left? I would do that chick on the far right, and by do…Well, you know where I am going with this. Pauly, we need to make room in the trunk.
If we could somehow get the Pixies and MC Hammer onto the new Gladiators show, we might be onto something.
@WWSM, Can't Touch This Monkey Gone To Heaven ?
In my opinion, the Pixies do not have the musical ability to "turn this mutha out".
For that Marine chick to spend so much time on the cargo ropes seems a little odd. Maybe her inability to swim underwater and get cold cocked by an iron bar didn't help, but I'm no Marine and cannot attest to the rope climbing skills learned in basic training.
In fact, in general, so far these "contestants" would get owned on Ninja Warrior.
You must pray to make it in in American Gladiators today.
That's word, we pray.
Please, whowillsexmutumbo, don't hurt em.
dude, yes, yes… no, wait, wait
dude, dude, yes, dude, …. erm, hang on
dude, dude, yes, shim [maybe], dude [maybe], … no. fuck, i'm so confused.
I'd put money on MC Hammer over Black Francis (aka Frank Black) if they were on AG's. we all know Hammer is "2 legit 2 quit".
Worst yet, there was a contestant named Mullivan (short asian guy, much like myself). But somehow Hulkamania derived Moolie out of that, like the extra -van was too much, and throughout the show, they called him Moolie.
Was anyone expecting Hulk Hogan to be Bob Costas? He hasn't put together an insightful, "brother"-less question in 25 years, and we're expecting him to ask questions that delve into the soul of a guy who just got powerbombed down a pyramid by a guy who howls like a wolf?
I won't stand for such attacks. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to say my prayers and take my vitamins.
It would be awesome if somebody asked Moolie to pay for his fucking candy in an Italian-American accent.
I hope they bring back Solid Gold next.
The Village People on steroids.
I dont know about you guys, but I wanted to put my dick in that Chase broad. Seriously, kick boxer or not, you can't get up from a roofie coma for at least a couple hours.
@TPB… the added bonus of that was that 'Moolie' is a derogatory term for black people in italian american culture.
STOP…………….Hammer Time!!!!!
*raspy Hogan Voice* Amen Brother!!
/flexing arms
I would also add that there is so much more stuff on TV today. a lot of it is terrible but there is some good shite out there. Back in the day, American Gladiators may have been a good show…COMPARED TO ANYTHING ELSE…but now we get a million other shows to choose from.
I mean…who is going to pick American Galdiators (then or now) over Rachel Ray? It's a no-brainer
@85 – good point.
What exactly were people expecting? And that first women's eliminator was hilarious.
@WSW11- and they definitely got their money's worth out of "Moolie" within that 45 minute span.
Was I the only one who didn't watch this?
Family Guy rerun > American Gladiators retread
I dont know what you people where watching but between the Hulk Hogan "Brother" drinking game®, and jackin' it to Hellga I was having a great time.
@alumnigonzo – I'm not ashamed to admit I watched the first Women's Eliminator three times. Fucking hysterical.
If they were going to bring back old contenders, who chose Jeff the douche? Haven't the producers heard of a AG machine named Two Scoops?
If you ignore the fact that she could bench press a mid-sized car and probably has a penis duct taped to her leg, Crush is pretty hot:
[www.nbc.com]
I'm rolling over in my grave
Anyone else think the first woman eliminator was rigged? I mean come on no way that black chick cant make it another 6 inches then just lays there…. The fake dialog was the worst though, the contestents were getting fed more lines then the chicks on MTV's Next
lets see, remake a show that wasn't even good enough to be on network tv 15 years ago and put it on NBC in primetime. Hmm, this couldn't possibly be the WORST IDEA EVER.
why do you feel like cooking up some pancakes after looking at that picture?
i watched this over that college football game. i dont know why but watching testicle free men and hermaphrodites beating the piss out of regular people was alright. oh and titan is gay. without a freaking doubt
Thank you. Who didn't laugh their ass off when the black chick couldn't get up the incline and the very cute Philippino broad came back from like a five minute difference to win? If i can offer some advice to make your viewing experience more enjoyable: 1) Turn the sound off and 2) Get shit hammered drunk. I thought it was the most amazing show ever.
Extra bonus for the new Knight Rider promo. Boy, is that gonna suck or what? God bless the WGA strike.
yeah that was a nice rally for the Filipina chick. Even better was her celebration, CRIPES!! What's going to happen if she actually wins the whole damn thing, this was just a qualifier?!? I honestly thought that black chick was going to be stuck for the entire season on that incline course, by the season finale, everyone would have to bypass a skeleton stuck on that incline.
I ran track with Fury at Cornell. She looks like she's been hanging out with Brian McNamee for the past couple years.
Anyone else find it funny that the Life Coach just gave up ?
P.S. Cudos to my homeboy Nick who noticed that the Referee was the Ref from "Dodgeball"
Anyone else think it was stereotypically hilarious that a black guy was working the gun during Assault???
Warren Moon was a gladiator?!
I only watched because I heard Beef Supreme was coming out of retirement to deal with that fag Not Sure. Didn't happen.
I guess they're gonna save that for Sweeps…
Hello, this is Killian. Give me the Justice Department, Entertainment Division.
I watched it to count how many times Hulk Hogan said "brother". I also watched it for all the priceless sexual innuendos such as "I'm gonna make you wet."
Well said. Children have, horrible, horrible taste. I actually like the show but realize it is horrible. Hulk Hogan is SO bad it makes me laugh but I'm guessing he just annoys most people.