WEEKEND PICKS: DOLPHINS SUCK
12.14.07
What to watch for in this weekend's biggest match-ups. Home teams in ALL CAPS.
The Trentonian over THE NEW YORK POST — It doesn't happen often, but sometimes another paper beats out the Post in the ridiculous/awesome headline department.
Ravens over DOLPHINS — As noted in today's Prelude, the two teams have a combined twenty straight losses between them. And the Dolphins suck way harder.
Dolphins Cheerleaders over DOLPHINS — The South Florida Sun-Sentinel has a hard-hitting report of the cheerleaders' training regimen, with revealing behind-the-scenes footage of them barely dressed and sweating. Pulitzer material for sure. (HT: SbB)
Bottlenose Dolphins over DOLPHINS — Flipper has way more pocket presence than Cleo Lemon.
WARRIORS over Lakers — Tonight's late game on ESPN. Also, be sure to vote Boom Dizzle into the All-Star Game. Any man that looks that good in roller skates has my vote.
And that's all for a pretty damn good week. Stick around this weekend to taunt KD on the weekend shift. I'll be back Monday, assuming I don't go overboard with the self-medication.

Jacksonville University Dolphins over Miami Dolphins
Decapitation over Hangover. Seriously, I need extreme unction.
Animals with opposable thumbs over DOLPHINS
My god, never have I wanted to grate my cheese over some abs like those!
ARod is dissatisfied with The Trentonian's false advertising.
Coming up on Jock Center: The porn star and the Clipper, a Jones that's Chipper, and did Joe Torre shoot Flipper?
From the vid:
"..we're all sweaty and sore for like a week later."
Yes. Yes, you would. And I would be dead. Happy, but dead.
My foreign policy team over the Dolphins.
Coming up on Jock Center: The porn star and the Clipper, a Jones that's Chipper, and did Joe Torre shoot Flipper?
A "Skipper" with his dick caught in the zipper?
That video was like a death sentence for my dong. Send donations in lieu of flowers.
I hope a bunch of poor embedded journalists in Iraq watch that shit and learn something from Jake Simpson, the Einstein of reporter assignment selection.
I actually get the Trentonian regularly. The best was when the local psych hospital burned down and the headline read "Roasted Nuts"
Those girls… in the video… their boobies… they're just… gone! GONE!
*swallows hard*
Their boobies. Where are their boobies? WHERE ARE THEIR BOOBIES???
*hysterical sobbing.*