I really wanted an air hockey table for Christmas, but I guess Santa heard about that incident behind the gentlemen's club. Anyway, here's a video of some expert paddle skills: 

Ah, an alcoholic humiliating a child - that makes me nostalgic for the holidays of my youth. -KD  

What do 4 young men trespassing in an old Soviet insane asylum do? Play some human bowling, of course: 

I suppose that looks a little more like a school. Or is it an old Soviet "re-education" center? Regardless, life was much simpler when we had a clear enemy. Now we have to worry about Pakistan starting World War III? I think I'll go roll with some former Soviets to relieve this doomsday stress. -KD

SITE NEWS stuff before I get to the rankings: There will be no Weekend Picks today.  No real reason except I don't feel like it.  To make up for it, I'll probably put together some posts on Monday, which I had originally planned to take off.

1. Scarlett Johansson.  Her co-star in Match Point, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, has been pretty much outed as gay.  And here I am, wasting valuable boners not hooking up with Scarlett.

2. Cheerleaders.  This week's Prelude is a special edition devoted entirely to cheerleaders.  Finally, I've tackled a meaningful subject. 

3. With Leather.  That's right: me, baby.  At least according to Blog Show.  Personally, I don't care much for year-end retrospectives, but I was pretty happy with THE YEAR IN HOT CHICKS. 

4. Death by booze and lap dances.  This is absolutely how I want to die.  I'm kinda considering it for next week (thanks to Cory for the link).

5. LSU fans.  This motion is straight-up Ohio Statesque.  I think I'd rather watch a sociology experiment with Buckeye and Tiger fans than the national title game.

Surprise!  No six through ten this week!  But before you accuse me of mailing it in, check out this insane French ad for Orangina:

I would totally fuck that deer. 

I guess it's a big deal that NBC and CBS are simulcasting the NFL Network's coverage of Pats-Giants on Saturday night, but you'll excuse me if I haven't worked myself into an excited, sweaty fervor for bonus coverage of Bryant Gumbel's reedy voice and ignorance of football.

However, while many have speculated that the Giants (who are locked into the fifth seed in the NFC) won't risk their starters' health to disrupt the Pats' quest for perfection, the Giants defense seems plenty fired up to get a shot at Tom Brady.

"He walks around like he's Prince Charles, like he's the golden boy," [LB Antonio] Pierce said… "I think that's a compliment. I don't see it as a negative, honestly," Pierce said with a smile. "Prince Charles has got the world at his hands over there where he's at. I think (Brady) has put up an MVP season. Right now he's the top guy in the league as far as making plays. You can't call him the king until he wins it all."

Well, he has won three Super Bowls and been the MVP in two of them. "This year. Everything has got to be present," Pierce said. "You can't keep talking about the past. For what he has done this year, he's like a prince."

No no no no no!  Shut the hell up, Antonio!  This is why the Patriots bitch about being disrespected.  Because a dynastic team that's 15-0 behind a two-time Super Bowl MVP quarterback who's dating a Brazilian supermodel still hasn't accomplished anything.  Christ.  Someday I'd like to see a college course centered on the logic of pregame smack talk.  Assuming it's not already offered at LSU Law.

[via Hot Clicks]

As a commenter pointed out the other day, some guy I've never heard of who works for some Texas newspaper called With Leather "a cancer."  Because he's a retarded newspaper columnist, most of his paragraphs are only one sentence long, so I did him the favor of condensing his thoughts below (I also added some links that Dick might find illuminating):

With some notable exceptions, such as Deadspin or the accountable media at reputable newspapers such as this one, reading the unedited, unregulated, untalented hacks churning out irresponsible pap on the Internet is a bit like watching Pauly Shore attempt Shakespeare in the Park.

[Regarding Dick Vitale], With Leather offered a startling response. "I HOPE IT'S CANCER," the headline blared. Part of an increasing landscape of shock blasts proffered under the guise of journalism, mirroring the vitriolic rants of some of the underbelly radio talk-show hosts out there, the site didn't stop there. "I loathe the man," it offers. "People who defend him because they like his enthusiasm are the same kind of people who admire the Nazis' efficiency."

Fortunately, for those who do admire Vitale's work, his time away from the cameras will enable him to concentrate even more on an amazing commitment to philanthropic initiatives. Whatever you think of the man, the millions he raises annually to fight dread diseases — most notably cancer — is a blessing all of us can, or should, appreciate.

Much has been made in recent months about the death rattle of newspapers, and there's little doubt that more and more readers, particularly from a younger demographic, are surfing online for their news. As [Michael] Wilbon told AOL's The Fanhouse, a destination for solid blogs, "I'm old. You build up your reading habits over a lifetime."

Oh yes.  I definitely try to pass off everything on With Leather as journalism, especially when I'm cheering for cancer.  I'm also very serious about drug use, murdering prostitutes, and an aggressive eugenics program that would eliminate the developmentally disabled.  That's why young people are drawn to this cancer that's killing newspapers — because the opinions I have are feasible and should be taken seriously.

Here's Texas coach Mack Brown's retarded stepson trying to blow last night's Holiday Bowl for the Longhorns. The Sun Devils retained possession and scored on the next play, so it's a good thing for Chris Burke here that the Horns won 52-34.

To add to your viewing experience, observe the referee's obvious glee in telling the crowd that the call was overturned.  I love the schadenfreude.

[Awful Announcing -- which also has a longer video]