What better way to recover from your Monday football hangover than with a nice Suck-Off? I've always been told that's one of my specialties, so let's go through the worst of Week 13 in the NFL.
Obviously, the Lions deserve a mention. They've now lost 4 in a row since starting 6-2 and have ceded a shot at the NFC North title by sinking into the mire of .500 teams hoping for a Wild Card berth. However, I can't fault them too much, as the return of Purple Jesus is a good excuse to bow down and not make tackles, particularly if you're on the receiving end of Ye Holy Knee-Crumpling Juke like Kenoy Kennedy.
First runner-up in the Suck-Off goes to Sean Payton for calling a reverse at midfield with fewer than 4 minutes to play and a three-point lead. Reggie Bush — public enemy #1 on my fantasy team — fucked up the exchange to Devery Henderson, and the Bucs scored a game-winning touchdown… led by a McCown brother. That's a special level of sucking.
But the winner of the Suck-Off, by unanimous decision, is Joe Gibbs. By calling a second consecutive timeout to "ice" Bills kicker Rian Lindell, Gibbs incurred a 15-yard penalty, moving up Lindell's final attempt from 51 yards to 36. Bills win 17-16. The call spoiled a 'Skins defensive effort that didn't yield a touchdown, and the nature of the loss rubbed industrial rock salt into the emotional wound of Sean Taylor's death. Gibbs is giving the words "Hall of Fame bust" a whole new meaning.
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The Bears sucked balls as well. Ron Turner can go suck himself off cause you don't actually start moving the ball and have success in a hurry up just so you can go try something else before they stop what you are doing, idiot!
Gibbs has been pretty brutal all year, especially with clock management. I respect his career and accomplishments and all, but I think its clear the game has passed him by.
I am quite pleased with the performance of the McCown brother I am forced to root for. Any week the black & silver don't show up in the Suck-Off is a good week.
Honorable mention: John Beck's 3 INT, 2 fumble, 38.1 QB rating at home against the Jets. Isn't there a third McCown brother available?
A.J. Feely showed up strong with 19/42 for 220 yds 1 td and 4 int was a strong bid for the list, on top of the fact that he's an Eagle, on top of the fact that he boasts to be better than his predecessor, Jeff Garcia, really gets mo vote… douche. Thats a 30.0 passer rating.
[Purple] Jesus! How many jukes did he make on that last run? 4? 5? He's so sick.
And yeah, I too hope Reggie Bush is smothered to death by Kim K's huge ass. Luckily I had him behind PJ, Ryan Grant and Travis Henry on my bench this weekend.
I just want to give mad props for that photoshop.
ahahaha, Chris Weber. nice choice.
The combo of the Chiefs O-Line and Damon Huard is lethal. You dont want to run into the Chiefs this year.
I am surprised the Dolphins aren't participating in todays festivities. They are working on a perfect record…So what if it is in reverse!
Anytime a team gets the suck off award instead of the Bills, means today is going to be a good day!
Honorable Mention: Devin Hester's day of 4 returns for 35 Yards and the drop of Sexy Rexy's bomb that would have most likely sealed the deal against the Giants.
I was momentarily happy that my team didn't make it into the suck off, then I remembered that we haven't been annihilated by the Patriots yet.
Bengals craptastic defense holding the Pittsburgh FatChicksInYellowShirts to 2.9 yards per carry and forcing 4 turnover + Carson palmer's 51.6 passer rating and complete inability to even make this a game = FUCK!!!! Ok, I feel a little better now.
Joe Gibbs fucking sucks and this is coming from a diehard Skins fan. He totally pissed on the legacy of Sean Taylor. Fuck you, Joe, that's the 5th game you've blown this year.
i was just about to ask why carson palmer wasn't on the list.
hey carson. your receivers aren't 12 feet tall. if they were you would have absolutely KILLED last night though.
Here's a picture of the running back Kenoy Kennedy tackled:
Here's a picture of Lofa Tatupu, as seen by AJ Feeley:
Get it? They're invisible and shit.
George Lynch is my effing dawg.
Too be fair to Kenoy Kennedy, who would believe you if you said Jesus appeared before you?
Speaking of Hall of Fame Busts, have there been any Dice K items to report in the off season?
Being a Detroit fan I saw this coming after the loss to the Cardinals. They were 6-3 and I was already looking forward to the Lions highlight of year, that being a high postion in the NFL Draft. They truly deserve their own Monday Suck-Off post simply due to the fact that they have the worst record of this millennium.