So, um, about that John Maine story yesterday where he wanted to try on women's dresses? The Mets have called bullshit:
The Mets say pitcher John Maine is the victim of an impostor who has been asking women for their outfits. Thursday, a woman named Abby Cohen called the club Touch to get "John Maine" a table at their opening night. When the man arrived, he identified himself as the Mets pitcher and asked several young ladies if he could try on their dresses… Despite being "recognized" as Maine by doormen and publicists for Touch, the Mets insist that he has not been in New York since October and was in Virginia on the night of incident.
Life as a celebrity impostor can be pretty rewarding. For some people, it's an avenue to borrowing women's clothes. For people like me, it's a way to capitalize on girlls with low self-esteem. "Hey everybody! I'm Justin Timberlake! I'll be in the bathroom if any skanks want to fellate me!" Then afterwards I'm all, "You dumb whore! I'm not really Justin!" And the ladies are always, "I knew you were too handsome."
Well, not really. But my mom insists I'm better-looking than he is.
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If the publicist had said he was in Vagina at the time, then I might believe it.
My apologies to Mr. Maine for jumping to conclusions. On a related note, Doc Gooden was busy finding a cure for cancer when some impsoter was flushing his career down the toilet.
I'm shocked Page 6 would print an inaccurate item. I don't know what to believe anymore. My world is crumbling down around me.
My apologies to Mr. Maine for jumping to conclusions. On a related note, Doc Gooden was busy finding a cure for cancer when some impsoter was flushing his career down the toilet.
Oddly, also on his medical staff: Chris Washburn, Michael Ray Richardson, Vin Baker, William Bedford, Roy Tarpley, Shawn Kemp, Sammie Smith, the 1995 Dallas Cowboys, and David Thompson.
That hospital wins a lot of intramural games.
For my impersonations, I just throw on a Jersey for the kind of woman I'm looking for…I put on my Vince Young Jersey if i wanna pick up a black girl, a Dice-K jersey for asians, and I guess I'd get a A-Rod Jersey if i wanted to pick up a dude.
As a fellow celebrity impostor, I like to hang out outside abortion clinics dressed as Mr. Met. There is no real reason, but the baby killers always give me a smile after their appointment with the coat hanger.
This is going to sound really gay, so I'll just put it out there. Justin Timberlake is really really good in the movie Alpha Dog and I recommend it to anyone, it's a true story about some drug dealer who's real name is Jesse James Hollywood. How filthy is that.
Doormen and publicists didn't recognize a dorky-looking, taller than average white baseball player who performs once every five days for six months a year?
Why are they even being paid? Scum.
@Swanychitown:
Yes it's gay. And yes I've seen it too, and praised him for the role as well.
If there's still room on the "Alpha Dog" gay love train, I'll grab a seat. It was surprisingly good. Not sure what motivated me to give it a shot, as I prefer women to men, but that's a different issue…
Easier method to try on womens clothing…….get a car full of hookers, do your thing. Once dead try on outfits. Not that I know from experience or anything.
So, check out this guy I work with… [www.suburbanchicagonews.com]
@HHY you may even recognize this one. We called him "Purple" Brad Hayes when he worked in my office for about 2 months before all this went down cause he reeked of pot and we caught him taking hitters in the parking lot before coming to work.
De La Hoya is probably having a hooker slap him and say "Why didn't I think of that?"
You work at Midamerica, swany? I use them for my business accounts (I live in Geneva). Can you do me a favor and take a couple hundred grand out of the vault and stick it into my account? It's the one with the zero balance.
Yeah Alpha Dog was pretty fuckin good. I feel kind of dirty just typing that