ILLINOIS O-LINE IS GAY?
12.30.07
Hugh Hefner matriculated through the University of Illinois, and he's very excited about the Fighting Illini's appearance in this season's Rose Bowl:
"Illinois has already knocked off the No. 1 team in the country, Ohio State," the founder, editor and emperor of Playboy kindly reminds me. "They're miracle workers . . . I was an undergrad in 1946,'' recalls Hefner, now a spry 81, " which was at the very beginning of when the two conferences forged an arrangement to play against each other in the big game every year. "We came out to play UCLA in that 1947 game, and nobody expected us to win. Nobody."
That's right, a guy that went to college in the 1940s pulls scores of hotter tail than you. Anyway, when Illinois was in Pasadena in for the 1984 Tournament of Roses, they visited the famed Playboy mansion, but not this time:
"No, no Playboy Mansion necessary for us," senior offensive lineman Martin O'Donnell explains to me. "We have our hands full as it is." Ron Zook's team did go to the Improv comedy club, did the Disneyland bit and fed its face at the traditional feast Lawry's sponsors known as the Beef Bowl.
Not necessary? What could have been filling their hands? Oh, wait . . . I get it. Different strokes and all that, and right now I believe conducting a thorough interweb search of my favorite Playmates is absolutely necessary. -KD

Did you know that "FIGHTING ILLINI" is an anagram for RAGING HOMOSEXUALS? Actually, it's not. But it sounds good.
There is a tour bus company that has a bird as their mascot. It's called Illini Swallow.
I giggle every time I see it.
Wow…I thought the Peter Pan bus company near me was really gay.
Ron Zook is a born-again Christian, so I'm assuming he had some influence on their decision not to visit the Playboy Mansion…
I say go on over to the mansion without Zook's permission…..If Chester Fraiser left a teammate for dead and only had to miss one season, I figure violating team rules to have a three way with two bunnies in the grotto would only cause you to miss the first quarter of your next game.
That was Jamar Smith, Mike, not Chester Fraiser.
As a diehard Illini fan, I just really hope they aren't embarassed against SC cause they should be playing for the National Title against THEOSU.
I've ridden the Illini-Swallow before. Super weak.
Sorry Swany…..I would have just said "The Illinois Basketball player who had a DUI last year", but that still leaves people picking between three different guys.
Also……$10 bucks to whoever spraypaints " ^ Co-Eds " on the Illini Swallow bus.
It's just a touchy subject kinda round Illini Country cause Smith was going to be a really good player for the Illini but almost killed his teammate and left him for dead. SHocking to say the least. Or is it? Who knows anymore.
He pulls hotter tail than me? I'm pretty hot tail!
Yes I would like to Shake something all over her.
How can a story with the phrase "Beef Bowl" not include Brady Quinn?