
I know that I speak ill of college hoops too often, and that's not fair to the student-athletes who dedicate so much time to practice, games, travel, and looking over the papers that their tutors write for them. Deep down, I know that my lack of love for NCAA basketball is my own failure as a fan: I have no real loyalty to any college, very few geographical roots, and for much of the season I'm preoccupied with the NFL.
Oh, and one more thing: I fucking hate Dick Vitale. I loathe the man. People who defend him because they like his enthusiasm are the same kind of people who admire the Nazis' efficiency. Thankfully, the shouting is on hiatus. Dickie V writes:
After an examination, it was determined that I had lesions on my left vocal cord and that they should be surgically removed. Dr. Zeitels said his goal is to have me back sitting at courtside in early February.
Take your time, Dick. I'd hate for you to miss March Madness because you rushed back too soon. I simply can't imagine early spring without you yelling at me. It's like having an old, bald Richard Simmons as my sideline announcer.
(Thanks to hunky basso profundo Reed)


In 1981, Dickie V coached my beloved hometown Pistons to a 16-66 record (fired mid-season).
How he counts as a basketball "expert" has been mystifying me ever since.
He's a PTP'er* baby!
*Partial Throat Polyp
I guess Mike Kryzsisewkzi's dick went down kinda hard one night. ROFL!
I would prefer Jimmy V courtside to Dickie V, he probably smells better too.
Now's my chance!
-Gus Johnson
I hate basketball myself, but I know that there will be plenty of stories involving rape and gang shootings because of these guys. So Play on Playah!
It's stories like this that give me the drive to get out of bed every morning.
@Punch: Nice.
I have no real loyalty to any college
If Northwestern was stomping everyone's balls every year, would that be different?
Dickie V-oicebox?
When I see Dick V I only hear this: [www.youtube.com]
Both are equally atonal, but one is over faster.
Doctor: "Sir I have some very bad news for you. You have Alzheimer's and Cancer."
Patient: "Thank God I don't have cancer!! "
(Old Jackie Martling joke)
I have no real loyalty to any college.
I hear that the Merchant Marines hoops team is having a down year anyway.
@Hugh: This old man couldn't even HOLD MY JOCK! OH MY GOD!! YOU GOTTA LOVE COLLEGE BASKETBALL!!
Wow….wishing cancer on someone. I feel uncomfortable. Can't we just pray for him to get massive herpes in his mouth, thus rendering him unable to talk? Or maybe hope that a 'Cameron Crazy' tears Dickie V's throat out with his bare hands in celebration after a Jon Scheyer 3-pointer?
I mean, cancer seems harsh.
You guys are nuts. Dickie V is great. And the nazis WERE effecient!
ONIONS!
Awesome, wishing a guy has cancer. Couldn't think of some other hack joke to make? Does he scream too loud for your little ears? HACK HACK HACK.
Should've been you, Billy Packer
"Never stop cheating, never stop cheating, never stop cheating." -Jimmy V.