Today the NHL suspended the Islanders' Chris Simon for 30 games following his attempt to sever Jarkko Ruutu's Achilles tendon with his skate (video above).  The suspension is the longest in NHL history, breaking the record set by… Chris Simon!  That's right, Simon sat out 25 games for slashing Ryan Hollweg's face last March, and now he's on hiatus until… uh… however long it takes an NHL team to play 30 games.  It is the seventh time Simon has received additional punishment by the league for an incident on the ice.

The 35-year-old player went on a paid leave of absence Monday to receive counseling, and then met with the league's disciplinarian Colin Campbell on Tuesday in a 30-minute hearing…  Simon was to be paid during his leave, but with the suspension, Simon will forfeit $292,683.

Does someone wanna tell Chris you can punch a guy in the face and only sit out five minutes?  You get a nice little rest, and it doesn't cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.  I'd tell him myself, but I don't like the way he's shaving with that combat knife.