Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings?  Oh yes: Dennis Miller's show on Versus.  And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings. 

1. Scarlett Johansson.  Still somewhat attractive.

2. Ricky Williams.  Sticky Icky Ricky is back, and he's inspired both 289 goodness and this week's Prelude. 

3. Buffalo Sabres.  They kinda suck, so I thought it'd be nice for them to be high on someone's power rankings.

4. Dikembe Mutombo.  This is by far and away the best thing I saw all week.  Not counting No Country for Old Men and all the porn I watched, of course.

5. Brady Quinn the Lesbian.  After Mutombo, my second-favorite post of the week. 

6. Stephon Marbury.  He goes AWOL and threatens to expose his coach, then returns to the team like nothing happened.  Shine on, you crazy diamond.

7. Super Orgasm Girl.  And I thought it only happened to women that I date.

8. Old People.  Fucking up golf courses, racing cars, and losing control of their football team.  Not exactly a ringing endorsement for postponing the Old-ocaust.

9. Legal Olympic brothels.  Coming soon!  The good: no chance of cops.  The bad: less violence against hookers.

10. D.C. Sports Bog.  I haven't had much time to give credit to Agent Steinz recently, but that blog has been kicking ass — it's a full 100% edgier than it was a year ago.  Check out this epic on Fred Smoot and nicknames.

Random video of the week: Simply the best halftime show ever, courtesy Dutch Idol.