MONDAY SUCK-OFF: WEST COAST FUTILITY
11.05.07
Objectively speaking, yesterday was a pretty tremendous day for the NFL: the Patriots rallied in the fourth quarter to beat the Colts in a close game, justifying all the hype for the Final Battle Between Good and Evil. Antonio Cromartie returned a missed field goal 109 yards for a touchdown to set an NFL record for longest return of any kind, but the Vikings shocked the Chargers 35-17 (shocked the Chargers — get it?!?) behind Adrian Peterson's record-setting 296 rushing yards and three touchdowns. And the Lions brought the beat-down on the Broncos, inexplicably cruising to a 44-7 home victory in a day of surprises.
That's the objective, glass-half-full view. In reality, there was just as much sucking around the NFL as there is every week, and nowhere was the sucking as wanton as in the NFC West, where the 0-8 Rams had the best week of any team in the division simply by not playing. Have a look:
• Falcons 20, 49ers 16: San Francisco turned the ball over four times en route to losing to Joey Harrington and the Falcons. I'd say that no one loses to the Falcons, but the Niners would be 0-8 if they hadn't started the season with two unimpressive, fluke-y wins. This team is fucking terrible.
• Buccaneers 17, Cardinals 10: Arizona's total time of possession: sixteen minutes and 53 seconds. Yes, out of sixty. How the hell the Bucs only scored 17 is a mystery, but here's what I do know: the Cardinals are awful, and that game was misery to watch.
• Browns 33, Seahawks 30 (OT): Because everyone else was watching Pats-Colts, few got to witness the Seahawks dominate the Browns for a half before giving away the game with predictable play-calling and unimaginative blitz packages. No coach in the league does less with more talent than Mike Holmgren. I can't even talk about it. Go read this and leave me alone.
There you go. The 'Hawks are 4-4 and in first place of a division that has a combined 9-23 record. The NFC West: sucking more than a roomful of hookers at a vacuum cleaner convention.
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Seriously, fuck the 49ers. They're going to give the Pats a top 5 pick. Goodell should take away the higher pick.
The AFC West was 0-4 yesterday. They were even worse than the NFC West.
Mike Shanahan and Mike Holmgren are the most overrated coaches in the history of football. Denver, for the second straight week, can't even get the right number of people on the field for defense. Without Elway and TD, Shanahan would of been fired about 5 years ago.
And I'll leave the case against Holmgren to the link above…..but I'll say he's blown two or three games on his own this year. Take away having a dominant team in 96 and blowing the title in 97, Holmgren hasn't done shit in his career, but he gets sucked off because he's from the 'Walsh tree' of coaching.
No they suck more than the hoes I have on the corner of 4th and c ave. That means that they REALLY suck…
Man, Adrian Peterson is fun to watch, but Bald Clueless getting a weapon like that is about as fair as a sixteen year old kid getting a Ferrari for his birthday.
The Chargers lost to Purple Jesus; that doesn't count as sucking.
Shanahan and Holmgren aren't overrated; they're once-great coaches who failed to adapt as the game changed.
I'd make the argument that they're still great coaches with terrible players. I doubt if a zombie Vince Lombardi could prevent Shaun Alexander from collapsing at first contact.
Matt, but the Eagles beat Purple Jesus last week.
Btw, are fellow Bills fans sick to their stomachs knowing that they should be 6-2 right now ?
No coach in the league does less with more talent than Mike Holmgren.
Norv Turner begs to differ.
Shockingly getting in front of the TV showing the Raiders v. Texans game at a crowded bar yesterday wasn't all that hard. There were about 4 of us watching that game. It's the first time I've actually seen my Raiders play this season. They're really not very good. It's a good thing I was drinking a lot.
By the way, I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of Patriot fan douchebaggery.
<i>By the way, I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of Patriot fan douchebaggery.</i>
It's still early…
While, I won't argue getting run over by
PurpleJesus doesn't mean you suck, the offense had no excuse. I think choosing Rivers over Brees might have been a bad call.I think choosing Rivers over Brees might have been a bad call.
Try choosing Brady Quinn over Purple Jesus. (Oh, I'm sorry we do have 35 yds on 20 carries, Jamal Lewis.)
What I meant was Joe Thomas over PJ
@Smello
Yep. Those guys sure do suck. I think we'll see Russell in a week or so… at least he can get some playing time in before next year.
Punch, Smello–
I guarantee you beat the Bears next week. Your horrible run defense will suddenly look stellar against the horrid Cedric Benson.
Where's swany now, who told me Benson was gonna put up 1500 yards this year? Swany….I told you he sucks.
Everytime I see that NFL commercial where Shawn Alexander watches himself score a TD… I start vomiting like "Lard Ass" in Stand By Me. First round fantasy draft pick my ass!
@UU we thought we'd give losman enough time in the pocket to do his taxes. you're welcome. i don't know about controlling a line, but domata peko sure can dance with a man's hands on his shoulders. who dey!
For the first time in years, I felt overcome watching the early games having to think about I should be supporting, to help my Brownies achieve relevance and a playoff spot.
No regrets picking Joe Thomas over Adrian Peterson.
Question for Phil Simms: What does "virtually almost impossible" mean?
You should see the comments at FanHouse. The douchebaggery is aimed mostly at the officials. One Seahawks fan says it was worse than Super Bowl XL.
And seriously, Matt, how could you have a Monday Suck-off this week with no mention of David Carr? That mitten-wearing fucktard sucks so hard, even light can't escape.
Shaun Alexander and Donovan McNabb are hands down the two worst players in the league. Norv Turner thinks they suck.
if you want to talk suck off dont forget about the bengals ocho stinko! chad johnson and his loser limp act he put on in the last 2 minutes of game. watch the replay that fuckhead dont even get hit. pussy quit trying to steal KE's thunder.
GO BROWNS.
/homerism
As usually, I do not understand what you guys are talking about. But from my European point of view I can only say that here is a lack of understanding in general – at least regarding the fact that the U.S. seem to embrace that CBS tandem of Jim Nantz and Phil Simms.
The Chargers are not getting nearly enough credit. Yes, AP is good — very good. But how hard is it to run when no one touches you until you are in the secondary? Keep in mind, he only had 43 yards at half time. Then, Cottrell implements a shrewd defensive scheme involving no line penetration, which was eerily reminiscent of his "let's not pressure Brady and take our chances" gameplan masterpiece earlier in the season. Where can we return Ted Cottrell? We really don't want him.
And still, the Chargers may make the playoffs. The AFC West is grim.