MARATHONER GAVE UP SEX TO WIN RACE
11.08.07
Kenyan Martin Lel won the New York City Marathon this weekend, and his trainer invoked the tried-and-true "No poon before the big day" technique. From Page Six:
The secret to the marathon victory of Kenyan Martin Lel on Sunday was chastity – and pasta, sources say. Lel's Italian trainer kept the runner away from his girlfriend for two weeks prior to the race and had him carbo-loading at Serafina Broadway, where he devoured the same dish, spaghetti bolognese, for lunch and dinner four days straight.
Wow, that's some pretty hard-hitting sports kinesiology by the scientists at Page Six. And here I was, thinking that winning the New York City Marathon resulted from a grueling training regimen made possible by a blend of freakish African genetics and a lifelong commitment to distance running. Turns out the "secret to marathon victory" is carbo-loading and no pussy.
Hell, I should have entered the race. I would have won. All l I do is masturbate and eat Ramen noodles.
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The Italian trainer didn't mention that he put Lel's pantyless girlfriend at the finish line with her legs spread wide. A bit of important info, there.
So who's going to win the With Leather Marathon? It's a level playing field.
All l I do is masturbate and eat Ramen noodles.
Remind me never to try your spaghetti bolognese.
All I gotta say is that is one very….very, very dark gentleman.
"Hell, I should have entered the race. I would have won. All l I do is masturbate and eat Ramen noodles."
get out of my head matt…i had that joke all ready for the comments bty the time i got through the second sentence of the post. now i have to come up with somethign else witty to say…and rememebr we're not getting paid for this.
If chastity and eating a shite load of pasta is the secret to winning a marathon then I'm gonna buy my nonna a pair of runners.
I think my wife is secretly training me to become a world class marathon runner.
Turns out the "secret to marathon victory" is carbo-loading and no pussy.
So who's going to win the With Leather Marathon? It's a level playing field.
I guess I wouldn't win the race because
of all the sex I haveI rarely eat pasta.I could never be givin up de wenches before gametime
@WTBW – Sorry man. She's not as celibate as you might think after last thursday, neither is she dead set on just eating pasta. Lots of protein tho. Yum:)
wait wut? we have 2 fucking pirates now?
Sweet; another pirate!
Was it just his girlfriend? Or was he still allowed to bang prostitutes and barnyard animals?
Don't let the pope catch wind of this; if he makes marathon training a form of birth control I swear I'm converting to satanism.
Actual, Matt made the first pirate walk the plank.
*ly
When I think of pirates, the only thing that comes to mind is The Angry Pirate. Which is the reason my last girlfriend broke up with me.
/fake regret
That is not Kenyan Martin! He's way taller.
@ Merk – So that what she meant about getting that pearl necklace. And that's why she was laughing when I asked her what she had for dinner last thursday and she said something small.
Isn't Catholicism already a branch of Satanism?
kept the runner away from his girlfriend for two weeks prior to the race
So the secret to fucking someone else's girlfriend is to make him think you're training him for a marathon?
Quick: Get Sofia Bush on line one. I'm training Tony Romo for the next 2 months.
Must be why Katie Holmes ran, so she could use the no sex rule with Tom
I masturbate with Ramen noodles. Scratchy..but worth it.
@WTBW – touche, my friend, touche.
That is not Kenyon Martin! He's is winning something.
Kenyon Martin believes that success is based on driving around with 2 blown out knees and a drunk Bob Huggins behind the wheel.
@Hercules – For less scratchy ramen masturbation, try boiling water on the noodles first. Sure, your junk will burn and the skin will fall off, but man, is it worth it! Unless you get one of those little carrots stuck in your urethra. Only way to get that out is to get a bunny…
@WDYA – continue….
Playboy Bunny?
ye pirates rule dis day!
A better system would be to bang some other guy's bitch and then tell him just when they fire the starting gun.