
In case you haven't read it already, I highly recommend ESPN.com's E-ticket piece on Bo Jackson. It examines Bo's life twenty years after his rise to prominence, covering everything from his Paul Bunyan-like mythology to the memorable marketing campaign to his simple life in suburban Chicago, where his extracurricular pleasures include bow-hunting and being intense. The story leads off with what would sound like a tall tale if it were anyone besides Bo Jackson:
From behind the wheel of an obscenely muscled Dodge pickup, Vincent Edward "Bo" Jackson is reminiscing about the time he took down a 300-pound bear from point-blank range with a .45-caliber pistol… and if you're wondering whether Bo was scared, hell no, Bo was not scared. Not even when that bear got so close Bo and his hunting companion could see the hairs bolt upright like pine needles on the back of its neck…
The way Bo tells it, he waited as long as he could, then he fired a slug into that bear's skull. The bear kept coming. His buddy yelled, "Shoot him again!" and Bo shot him again, firing another bullet directly into the bear's noggin. Bo 2, Bear 0. And then Bo skinned that bear on the spot and dragged the 70-pound hide the half-mile back to camp. Of course he did.
Oh sure, it sounds impressive. If you're a coward or a weakling. Three hundred pounds isn't even that big for a bear. Black bears weigh up to 600 pounds, while the more ferocious grizzly bear tops out at 1500 pounds. That bear was smaller than Tony Siragusa. And less deserving of a bullet in the skull.


Ah yes…..getting close to an animal in its habitat and killing it. What a sport. Good times.
Bo knows hyperbole
Actually, the Kodiak Bear in Alaska is bigger than the Grizzly. But I'm sure you knew that. What suburb is Bo in? I wanna go and stalk his house.
Also, am I the only one that thinks fighting a bear would be the absolute best way to die other than while taking a once-in-a-lifetime shit or while banging a filthy high-class whore in Vegas?
Chuck Norris would have just given the bear a front snap kick.
I would have shot him in the ass with my lamp-gun.
That bear was smaller than Tony Siragusa
The people of London would be no less impressed though.
Michael Vick should have shot his dogs.
In the skull.
UU, Bob Sanders would have just looked at the bear and it would have collapsed with a massive heart attack.
The bear would have had a heart attack if it saw Chucks Beard go up like a pine needles.
Bob Costas on the other hand would wipe every bear off the face of the earth, including Teddy bears, Care bears, Gummy bears, the Chicago Bears and that stupid Paddington Bear. And he would do it by a snap of the fingers.
Bo knows taxidermy.
A 300-pound bear? Bo Jackson murdered Harvey Fierstein?
As long as he leaves Pooh Bear alone…
He's on the front lines against the #1 Threat to America.
All hail Bo "Mother Fuckin" Jackson.
"Grizzly Man" is the greatest comedy ever made. Fact.
Ok, I would like to retract my previous statement. This is fucking unbelievable.
[maisonbisson.com]
Where's the part where after killing the bear, Bo goes and has sex with the bear's wife?
To add insult to injury, he wiped the blood with some Charmin paper, Bo knows taunting.
Dude, Smokey is WAY more intense in person.
/RIP Mitch Hedberg
Fact: Bears eat Beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica
Now that's a bear. I'm surprised that boar slayer kid from Alabama wasn't involved.
[sideways8.wordpress.com]
Big Bear! He's iron tough! Big Bear! He's got a chest like a rug! Big Bear! He don't take no guff! He's BIG BEAR!
How does Chuck Norris get all this pub when Bo Jackson is killing bears with a pistol?? No one is more bad ass.
+1 Merk… GREAT episode
Bo now wears the skin, and is ranked 8th in the BCS.
Bo sucks Chucks dick, and cleans his beard after every meal!
Big Bear?
[40ouncebeer.com]
Bo went Bear-Blasting after he drank some POWERTHIRST!!
Powerthirst Is Like Crystal Meth in a Can! Power thirst is Crystal Meth in a can! Power thirst is Crystal Meth!!!! CAT – HUMPING!
@alumni, I have drunk Big Bear. Stewart's use to sell it, not sure if they do anymore.
As someone who has stumbled across a black bear in the woods (Yeah, I know, nobody believes it, whatever), let me tell you… it's not that scary. They're pretty much like a big stray dog. Clap your hands a couple times and they'll run off.
A brown bear, though… There's only one thing you can take with you in the woods that will protect you from a brown bear: Someone who runs slower than you do.
Godless. Killing. Machines.
It's like a freakin' country bear jamboroo around here.
Also:
"Five dollars? This is an outrage. It's the largest tax increase in history."
"Actually, it's the smallest tax increase in history."
"Let the bears pay the bear tax. I'll pay the Homer tax."
"That the homeOWNER tax."
"Whatever, I'm still outraged."
One more, because it's one of my favorite lines:
"Well, the bear patrol is working."
"Dad, that doesn't make sense. I mean, by your logic, this rock here keeps tigers away."
"How does it work?"
"It doesn't work. It's just a stupid rock. But I don't see any tigers around here."
"Lisa, I'd like to buy your rock."
(Lisa shrugs and exchanges rock for cash.)
Bo killed a 300 pound bear? Someone better tell Larry Birkhead that we know who killed his baby mama.
I'd like to see what he'd do with a white college basketball coach dove-hunting in his backyard.