Okay, for this post I need everyone to be sitting down, because what I'm about to write will shock you to the very core: Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey enjoys drinking and making out with girls. I know! I couldn't believe it myself, but a tipster sent along these photos in an email that read, in part:
I thought that I would share some pictures my friend took a while back while partying in NYC. I can assure u 100% that this is Jeremy Shockey drunk off his ass hooking up with 18 year olds. The girl in the pictures is one of my friends and she tells me some crazy stories about his antics.
Naturally, the tipster doesn't tell me about any of the "crazy stories" or "antics" or even when "a while back" is (though I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess last Halloween), so I'm gonna have to fill in the details with my imagination. And lemme tell you, my imagination kicks ass. It says Shockey passed out after these pictures were taken, and I took both of the girls home to an evening of erotic delight, with guest appearances from handcuffs, a neoprene jumpsuit, and all the contents of my vegetable crisper. I rule!
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Manti-Maxim-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Dolphins-Aircraft-Carrier-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/alex-karras-george-plimpton-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/JR-Smith-Louis-CK-180x180.gif)
Why is Shockey head butting those girls ?
He showed her his Taser.
He probably just made out some more, then celebrated a ton despite not actually scoring the whole night.
I have 22 year old friends with tales of antics and Shockey, surprisingly in Miami Beach. In fact, my very good friend smoked a joint with the big white end at the Flamingo Pool. P Diddy sighting anyone?
Shockey the drunk monk?
As if there is anything wrong with this. If I played NFL football for the Giants, I can assure you I would punching new hot kitty every night of the week.
How many passes did he drop that night?
The cop, and devil costumes are always my favorite, but to have a skank dressed in a "crack whore" outfit, has to be tops. That is wearing nothing and has dirty knees!
My God he's looking right into my soul in that first picture. Rawr.
For the record, the contents of Ufford's vegetable crisper:
/ blind items [www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com]
Eli Manning: Note to self, wear devil costume at Halloween party, might finally score with Shockey.
I hate this clown. Not because he's punching hot kitty, but because he's exceedingly overrated. And, as Nabs correctly pointed out, celebrates like a mongoloid every time he catches a five yard dump pass.
@wacha_talkin_bout_willus: It'll be a cold day in hell when Shockey steals Ufford's man.
Noggin knocker!
BDD, I want to say that after the sex cannon escapades and 5 weeks of the jambaroo, you have become my new favorite 'author'.
I'm realtively illiterate tho, so take that for what its worth.
I hate myself a little for finding him ridiculously hot in that picture on the left.
In my defense, I do have a soft spot for beefy mouth breathers. Wait…that's not really a defense…whatever.
@BDD – I have a pretty interesting baseball story – should I send it to just you? Or the entire KSK staff?
There's nothing better than being drunk off your ass and hooking up with 18 year olds. Nothing.
I think in the second pic he actually burped and is making these bitches smell it. What a douche.
alumnigonzo, just send it to Ufford. He loves them.
He's not actually dressed as a monk. He just really likes those loose fitting women's turtlenecks. They bring out the "brooding" in his eyes.
Good to see he's mastered the Chris Benoit female chokehold though.
Boy, the skipper sure has lost a lot of weight.