As noted in today's Hot Clicks, Page Six + Rush & Molloy = Truth.  And the gossip item that ran in both columns today is that cycling legend Lance Armstrong spent his evening CANOODLING with Ashley Olsen.  Here's the Page Six blurb:

The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch's ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, "They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m."

Let's look at Lance's dating history since splitting with his wife a couple years back: Sheryl Crow (old, rich), Tory Burch (less old, richer), and Ashley Olsen (young, richer than God).  I can't fault his progression, and ordinarily I'd support screwing a younger woman who was a famous 3-year-old when you were 18, but this ain't right.  Ashley looks good in pictures and in this season's episodes of Weeds, but in real life she's a frail miniature person with a gigantic head.  Screwing her has gotta be like having your way with a midget Real Doll bobblehead.

UPDATE: Uh, I guess Mary Kate is the one in Weeds.  Whatever, man.  They're fucking twins.  It's not like I'm their parents.

Um, so I kinda didn't do an NBA preview (although today's Saint Andrew's Net is an all-basketball affair worth your perusal).  You'll forgive me for not ringing a triangle and announcing to the entire ranch the arrival of the NBA season.  Don't get me wrong: it's nice to have hoops back, but it's a long trudge through the winter months until teams kick it into high gear and the games feel like they matter.  So I welcome back the NBA not with a loving grope, but with a polite pat on the ass.  Here are last night's scores:

Rockets 95, Lakers 93
Kobe gets announced to the home crowd; home crowd boos.  Kobe drops 45; home crowd cheers.  But Shane Battier's 3-pointer with 2.5 seconds left lifted the Rockets to a win in Rick Adelman's debut for Houston.

Jazz 117, Warriors 96
Eh, just roll the tape from last year's conference semis.  Boozer dominates, Deron Williams slashes and dishes, and AK-47 plays some inspired, tear-free minutes.  White people cheer, go to Thailand to spread Christianity.

Spurs 106, Blazers 97
This game was interesting right up until the point Greg Oden had knee surgery a month ago.  Tim Duncan went for 24/13 and a contract extension, while Tony Longoria had 19 and a pedicure.  In related news, I fucking hate the Spurs.  And San Antonio ain't no pleasure palace neither.  That fantastic River Walk you always hear about?  It's a sewer.

"Saint Andrew's Net" is With Leather's daily link dump, written by assistant editor/Chicago native KD. Expect sports and tits.

• Free Darko examines the two faces of the Utah Jazz.  It's that time again to make long-form NBA diatribes part of your daily reading. By the way, Utah has the most inappropriate nickname in sports. Do you think of Charlie Parker when you consider the Great Salt Lake?  Perhaps if it was filled with heroin.
• True Hoop displays some commercials for the Association.  Boston is kind of like Hickory in that you can't find a good barber.  But Jimmy Chitwood was better than Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen will ever be.
• The Basketball Jones handicaps Golden State vs. Utah.  The Welkies won by 21, so I think that means somebody lost some money.  And by 'somebody', I mean me.
• LOL Jocks reveals Luke Walton thoughts about the odor of the Houston Rockets.  I thought I sat next to Luke's dad at a Dead show once, but it turned out to be a Port-A-John that loved John Wooden. The difference is negligible.
• Tremendous Upside Potential predicts the Pistons will meet the Suns in the Finals.  The Atlanta Hawks might actually be good? Somewhere in heaven, Mike Fratello is smiling. What do you mean he's not dead?

Send your submissions for Saint Andrew's Net to withleather@gmail.com. 

An Australian man became a fan of the Green Bay Packers at age 15 when a friend gave him a year-old videotape of a game against the Vikings.  Fifteen years later, he sold his house and moved his family to Wisconsin so he can watch the Packers.  I shit you not.

Wayne Scullino, 30, quit his job with a telecommunications company in Sydney. He, his wife and two boys are going to every Packers game this season and paying for it with the proceeds from the sale of their home. They plan to return to Australia when the season ends…

I'd rather punch myself in the cock for a week straight than move from Sydney in the spring/summer to Green Bay in the fall/winter (or any season, really).  Plus, they're going to move in with his wife's parents when they move back, because, uh, he doesn't have a job or a house any more.  So there's a whole lot to make fun of in this story.  But then I read this quote:

"The thing with dreams though, in most cases at least, is that if you don't do something to make them happen yourself, they never will," [Scullino] wrote. "So with that, and a whole lot of understanding from the very best, non sport loving wife in the world, we made an executive decision. A decision that flies in the face of all rational thinking but one that we should all do at least once in our lives." [...] "At some point, you've got to stop living the life you've fallen into, and start living the life you want to," Scullino said.

And you know what?  I can't hate on that.  Anyone who trades in their life for actually living is all right in my book.  But don't none of you go getting ideas.  My readership is built on people trapped in unsatisfying jobs.

(Thanks to mild-mannered Ryan by day for the tip.) 

UPDATE: Video done got taken down.  Methinks the national organization of a fraternity is not pleased with a certain chapter.

What… what's this strange feeling I have for these Ohio State fans?  Oh God, I think it may be sympathy. 

You know, the only thing that should be hurled at Ohio State fans are insults that they can't quite understand.  Never beers.  Beers are for drinking. 

Once again, I'm reminded of the battle for Stalingrad.  The Nazis invaded Russia in support of arguably the most vile regime in recorded history, then left with their tails between their legs — but that doesn't mean the Soviets weren't real assholes, too.  Well, at least in this version, the Nazis enjoyed a 37-17 victory.  So there's that.

First with the vid: Big Ten Tailgate
Justified sermonizing: The M Zone
Humor and insight: EDSBS 

Um, this one is kinda tough for me to wrap my head around, so I'm just gonna quote from this FanHaus post titled Stephon Marbury's Life as a Telenovela. 

Chris Webber is engaged to a South African celebrity named Cleopatra Mariri. Cleopatra has a friend, Chichi Letswalo, who used to be a soap opera star in native South Africa. Her show got canceled, though, which led to her mansion being repossessed. Chichi came to America reportedly looking for "a rich man and a job." C-Webb, being a nice fellow, got his lady's best friend hooked up with a job in New York City… as Stephon Marbury's nanny. She is paid $140 a week (plus room and board).

Wow.  The porn industry could take all the childhood pets, street names, and middle names in all of America and never come up with a name as awesome as Chichi Letswalo.  Seriously: a South African nanny named Chichi Letswalo.  And she works for an employee of the sexual harassing-est company in all of New York.  You'd have to put Rohypnol in the Daytona water supply during spring break to set up a story with more groping.