The Packers beat the Broncos 19-13 in overtime last night when Brett Favre opened the extra period with an 82-yard bomb to Greg Jennings. This capped off a game that also had a semi-thrilling end of regulation, with Jay Cutler leading a drive that gave the Broncos a couple shots at the end zone before they ran out of timeouts and rushed the field goal unit onto the field to tie the game as time expired (all highlights available at NFL.com link above).
But the real story of Monday Night Football can be told by my email inbox this morning, which was filled with subject lines that invariably included the words "Favre," "fellation," "balls," and variants of "fuck." Yes, as we all know, Brett Favre has a distinguished history on MNF that is exceeded only by the distinguished verbal blowjobs given to him by the game announcers — they even invited Favre's wife Deanna into the booth to ask her the proper technique for massaging his balls (gently, and in a circular motion).
Don't get me wrong: I have nothing against Favre personally, and he certainly played well last night (300+ yards, 2 TDs, no picks)… but Ron Jaworski and Tony Kornheiser's zeal for praising him was unsettling. At one point Favre overthrew a wide open receiver in the end zone from 10 yards away. The commentary? "Wow, look how hard he threw it! He's really got a cannon!"
Shit, man. The only other place you can ind that kind of sycophantic zeal is a boy band concert filled with pre-teen girls. And they're not nearly as good at blowjobs.
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To be fair, they did spend a lot of time familiarizing themselves with Jay Cutler's scrotum for that sad future when he is the only gunslinger available.
America loves a gunslinger – it's what seperates us from the Canadians.
who is this brett favre you speak of, and if he's so great, why haven't i heard john madden mention him
"And they're not nearly as good at blowjobs."
There's something to be said for teaching a youngster a new craft.
There were two outstanding Favre fellations before I had enough and went to bed at halftime.
On the first TD, they showed the receiver running past Champ Bailey. Kornheiser says 'I thought you don't throw at Champ Bailey! Well, that guy just beat him!' and they showed Favre as they went to commercial. Hey Tony, how bout some credit to the rookie receiver who outran the best cover corner in football then crossed the entire field en route to the end zone. HE beat Bailey, not Favre's throw to a wide open guy.
Then, on the Packers' drive late in the first half, Favre overshot Driver, who was wide open in the end zone (as mentioned by Matt). Tirico, in his rush to canonize Favre, says 'And Driver couldn't get to the right place….incomplete.' So thats Driver's fault that he wasn't 11 feet tall and standing 3 feet to his right?
We know Favre is great….why does EVERY BROADCASTER have to go out of their way to tongue bathe his nutsack?
Man I wish they'd give John Clayton at shot at MNF. Then we'd at least get to hear what blow jobs from an undeveloped fetus sound like. I'm sure he'd love to praise Favre's cannon.
This is why I watch MNF at the Strip Club. The only blowjob i heard during the game was the one i was getting in VIP during halftime.
I'm the last guy to get on the Brett Favre Blowjob Wagon (Largely because John Madden is always driving it drunk), but that walk off TD was pretty big time.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if there's any room left on the Touch Tony Romo on the pee-pee train.
Enough about "Farve", "balls" and "blowjobs"- more chicks- is there any Dice-K news?
Listen fellas, let's keep the locker room humor where it belongs.
WWSM: tickets are all sold out, i checked. Same with "Swing from Brady's Nutsack" Cruise.
Lots of space has been coming up (and prices have been dropping as well) on the "Give Vince Young a Soft and Loving Rimjob" tugboat though. Fucking Piece of Sunuvaslutcunt.
/end obscure fantasy football rant.
I thought Tony was all about letting A-Rod tea bag him, but damn, last night he was tossing a chef salad along with the tea bag on Brett.
Why do they love his ball-sack? Because his green and gold ball-sack gives them ratings and he's coming off two awful years of suckitude, it's an amazing story That a lot of people want to see. The Packers are 6-1 and the only person outside of Wisconsin who gave them a shot to win the NFC North was Chris Mortensen, so when something amazing happens and much of the responsibility is on the hall of fame quarterback, he's gonna get some love. It's the same thing that happened before Elway, Marino, Montana, Testaver…Jim Kelley and every great QB hangs up the pads for good.
AND on that overthrow, when they replayed it they did say that it was an over-throw from Favre.
the only person outside of Wisconsin who gave them a shot to win the NFC North was Chris Mortensen
Not true. I thought the Pack would win the NFC North outright. The Bears' regression was too obvious; the only surprise in the division is Detroit. Also, you type very well for someone whose hands are busy working Favre's cock.
it's an amazing story That a lot of people want to see.
I didn't know that the ESPN booth reads with leather! Best behavior everyone – we got us some celebrity readers.
I thought the Pack would win the NFC North outright
likely story. If only you had some kind of forum in which you could've shared this prediction with the rest of the world. A web log of sorts, or multiple web logs which you co founded to tell the world about this. Hmm.. oh well. Guess next year we can set something up for u.
/waiting for a)link that proves me wrong or b) ban
Merk's at the plate in the midst of an 0 for 42 slump. Matt deals . Merk swings for the fences and hits a comedic frozen rope! Fantastic stuff, Merk. Fantastic!
You forgot to say Boo-Yah! at the end, shit stick.
Wow inertia53, you’re right. The boys in the booth don’t want to get into Favre’s Wranglers more than any comparable QBs. Thanks for setting everybody straight.
To this day, only Chris Elliot has stood up to the Brett Favre legend. Kudos, sir, and I want back the money I paid to see "Cabin Boy."
Hey! How bout them Broncos! Finally, their goddamn kicker can't save them for once. And the "best shutdown corners in the NFL" got shut down.
Now, if only the Raiders could win a fucking game.
I'm spooning Steve Young on the "Here comes Jason Campbell" ship. We are happy and have a bottle of bubbly on ice. If we are right its like , yeah bitch i told you he'd develop into something awesome… if not, no one remembers anyway so fuck you.
Fantastic!
Hardawayhatesyou: After That Tirico comment – i couldn't even get into the game anymore. Favre could take piss on his centers back and somehow it would be a testament to the the youthful zeal he plays the game. And Favre is one of my favorite QB's of all time…
If only you had some kind of forum in which you could've shared this prediction with the rest of the world. A web log of sorts, or multiple web logs which you co founded to tell the world about this…. /waiting for a)link that proves me wrong or b) ban
Predictions in the NFL are positively retarded: a Sisyphusian effort undertaken by football writers and wannabes every year despite the annual rash of injuries that derails the seasons of playoff hopefuls; a resoundingly annoying echo chamber where deviation from the conventional wisdom is ridiculed; a way to generate pointless and circular discussions; and a disposable set of notions for which the writer is almost never held accountable.
I would never use my delightful comedic forums to ruin them with that kind of idiocy. You can either take me at my word, or you can fuck off and die.
/not a fan of NFL predictions
The Packers are 6-1 and the only person outside of Wisconsin who gave them a shot to win the NFC North was Chris Mortensen, so when something amazing happens and much of the responsibility is on the hall of fame quarterback, he's gonna get some love.
OK, I guess that could explain the ball caressing for 2007….what about the previous 3 years, when Favre would throw the ball up for grabs and every announcer would say shit like 'Thats just a guy making plays' or 'Favre's just having fun out there.'
Just once I would like a broadcaster to call Favre out during a shitty performance as much as they laud him during a good one.
I wish Matt would just cut to the chase and tell us how he really feels.
/ducks
Either way, I guess I'll take him at his word. What choice do we really have in this topsy-turvy world of ours?
I would never use my delightful comedic forums to ruin them with that kind of idiocy. You can either take me at my word, or you can fuck off and die.
I believe ya tiger, it's all good. I agree as well, NFL predictions [lots of big words, smart talk and witty comments] definitely.
I will take the 2nd option though, just cuz why put off the inevitable.
ESPN Travel was running a special on "John Kitna's Balls across the nose river boat" but the event was cancelled when Kitna was leaned on by various conservative christian groups for homosexual billing.
Deanna Favre is the Brett Favre of breast cancer. Complete domination with youthful zeal.
Enrico Pallazzo is the Bill Buckner of the withleather.com comments section. Zing! Ouch! Boo-yah!
Anyone hear Kornholer tell Jaws that he had developed a man crush? I can't remember who he was talking about, but it was great fun!
That's some clip, though it conveniently omits the boozing, pill-popping and long hunting trips with slender, lithe wide receivers that are all part of the Favre legend.
@hhy: I found this on DS:
Tirico: "And Donald Driver is way out of position to make that touchdown catch."
Jaws: "Favre just missed high and outside; he really threw it harder than he needed to."
Tirico: "…so that was the quarterback's fault?" (can't bring himself to put 'Favre' and 'mistake' in the same sentence)
Jaws: "Yep."
Tirico: *silence, clearly crestfallen*
@tp2151: It was Cutler, in a remark about his arm strength. What I find funny is how TK almost immediately continued with his Farve-ellating after the mancrush comment to Jaws.
I truly believe when Favre retires, a part of Madden will die. Oh yeah, next week Favre gets to beat his 31'st team.
I await the "Brett Favre was diagnosed with cancer. He ripped the cancer from his body by hand then threw for 400 yards and 5 TD's against New England in the Super Bowl."
Brett Favre Facts coming?
<a href="[www.wrestlingbeltworld.com">Wrestling] Beltworld, where all I talk about are wrestling belts and chicks.</a>
I truly believe when Favre retires, a part of Madden will die. Oh yeah, next week Favre gets to beat his 31'st team.
I await the "Brett Favre was diagnosed with cancer. He ripped the cancer from his body by hand then threw for 400 yards and 5 TD's against New England in the Super Bowl."
Brett Favre Facts coming?
[www.wrestlingbeltworld.com]
"they're not nearly as good at blowjobs"
maybe, but would you really rather have one from Ron Jaworski and Tony Kornheiser?
BP every time I look at John Clayton from now on I'm going to think of that.
P.S. this is my first time back to the site since the incident WSW11 U SUCK!