My apologies that With Leather is just now getting to the five-hooker orgy held by Manchester United striker Cristiano Ronaldo. Certain assistant editors who drank pint glasses of whiskey at a wedding suffered "computer crashes," which limited our usual weekend coverage.
Anyway. I highly recommend the long-form description of partner-swapping, jacuzzi-/steam room-sex, manhood size, lesbian cunnilingus, masturbation, "fags" and "bums" meaning different things, fat dudes, and hooker photos over at News of the World… but for our purposes, let's just go straight to the ladies' testimonial. (Apparently, they didn't get a tip for their work.)
"I thought having sex with three Manchester United stars would be like a dream come true. But I realise now that being a WAG is not all it looks cracked up to be especially if this is the way they all behave… these men had no manners."
Personally, I think letting them leave without dissolving them in a bathtub of lye is a pretty nice tip, but I recognize that there are some cultural divides I may not fully understand.
Frat boy sez: Damn right they didn't get a tip — they got the shaft! Hey-O!
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Stephen-A.-Smith-McDs-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/wizard-battle-stadium-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/soccer-field-goal-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/BKZMP0WCAAAaEgq-1-180x180.jpg)
These men had no manners.
I quote my friend Kesh, who was given a lecture about being a gentleman by a stripper in Vegas because he drunkenly told her he wanted to lick her asshole:
"Honey, you're a whore."
(We were escorted out of Spearmint Rhino rather rudely).
"these men had no manners."
They let you walk out of there right? More manners than I ms., alot more manners than I.
"I've slept with about 200 clients and I've never been treated with such little respect. They didn't care about our feelings. They didn't even talk. They just moved our bodies into the right positions."
This reminds me of the old line "complaining about the food at Denny's is like fucking a hooker and complaining that you didn't feel loved." Only in this case, the chef at Denny's is unhappy that you didn't like your meal.
Christ, I suppose they wanted to be cuddled afterwards too? This whole generation of hookers are fucked up man. Some of them won't even let me hold a gun to their head during sex. Except for the Asian ones, they're easily fooled. I tell them it's just a water pistol.
I really didn't need to know how well "endowed" Ronaldo is.
I have often wondered what to tip a hooker…10%, 15%, 20%?
I have never quite figured it out because they all end up face down in a ditch anyways.
Note to self: if I'm ever famous, tip hookers especially well so they can tell the media how well endowed I am.
Other note to self: Buy milk.
I can't believe those hookers in the photo have their own sign. But what's an "Asian Salad"? It sounds kind of kinky.
Agreed Careless, just like today's youth all think they are entitled to get into the Ivy school of their choice, so too do streetwalkers think I should treat them nicely. Watch out, soon they will want to form their own union:
[www.iusw.org]
You know, something about British hookers turns me on…
"Freshen your drink, Guv'ner?"
I sure hope Man U. isn't forced to play short handed against Everton when half the team comes down with a raging case of spotted dick.
First that motherfucker Ronaldo gets me minus two points for the sending off in his last game (subsequently suspended for three, one of them being the derby loss to City) and now this… What is the fucking point of banging whores if they're gonna go and tell all to the rags as soon as they've been paid. If i was a frequenter of ladies of the night and my shortcomings were spilled to the tabloids then i'd think twice about putting more business their way. Unless it was Big Elisha. That bitch can suck paint from a wall, which is very distracting when you're trying to get in the mood.
I think we've all learned a lesson here about what happens when you let whores live. Blunt force trama to the head, people, seriously! On a side note, fall's comming and its harder to dig in the cold ground, so get your whores soon, or else find a nearby fast-moving body of water.
I like the way the ladies tried to compare the experience to being a footballer's WAG (wife and girlfriend). Sorry, but when you accept money to take part in a bathhouse orgy, you're more along the lines of HATs (hoes and tricks).
Is it wrong that when I read the NOTW story, I kept hearing Robin Leach in my head?
Leave it to those shitty limey hookers to complain about manners. Even the hookers over here say thank you after i shit in their mouth while their head is in a shop vice.
I believe John Holmes had some spotted dick…or AIDS. Not sure which.
@ Texas- I suggest the Wizard Tip Calculator endorsed by Morty Seinfeld. Its a fast and efficient way to figure out how much to tip your filthy whores after you give them their cum-uppins. No pun intended