Two stories dominated the NFL landscape yesterday: the be-throwbacked Eagles hanging 56 points on the Lions, and the surprising Packers improving to 3-0 by shocking the Chargers. But everyone's looking at those games with optimistic eyes; the real story, as always, is in the sucking.
While the Lions' defense gets a nod for allowing an average of two touchdowns per quarter, I'd like to put the sucklight on the gentleman on the left there. See, the Chargers know what they're doing. They fired Marty Schottenheimer because he had a reputation for solid regular seasons before playoff failure. And the Chargers front office couldn't deal with that kind of postseason heartbreak. So they brought in a guy who could really get the job done — take an exceptionally talented team, and lead them to regular season failure. Way to go, San Diego! No more heartbreaking losses in January.
Also receiving Suck-Off votes: Most people on the field in the Vikings-Chiefs game… The Rams, who really, really suck… And the Redskins' coaching staff. Whatever you guys do, don't get the ball to Santana Moss or Clinton Portis when the game is at stake.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Manti-Maxim-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Dolphins-Aircraft-Carrier-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/alex-karras-george-plimpton-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/JR-Smith-Louis-CK-180x180.gif)
Its good to know that the Bears offense is not the biggest bunch of sucky sucks who ever sucked.
Joe Gibbs is pissed that he did not win the Suck-Off today. What a fucking disaster that was.
Philadelphia Eagles uniform management wins the suck-off in my book.
enrico, thank you for saying that. the only person on all the highlight shows to say anything about those last two play calls was deion sanders, so i figured since i had the same opinion as deion that i was wrong. its good to know others could not believe the play calling on 3rd and 4th down.
also, gb was really lucky to win that game. they had a fourth down on the one inch line, and they lined up in a shotgun, 5-wide receiver set. whats wrong with a little playaction roll out?
this isnt my blog so i'll shut up now–sorry uff.
Adrian Peterson = Purple Jesus
Rest of the Vikings Offense = Judas
Give Coach Gibbs some bronzed knee pads!!! That man made sure that the Giants defense knew what the fuck was going on!!! Strahan spooged all over that face!! WOO-HOO!!!!
Uff- in terms of sucking what about my beloved Bills not even ATTEMPTING to cover the spread? Err, I mean, go Bills!
They did attempt….they were up 7-3.
*ducks*
Lee Evans demands inclusion on the Suck Off.
It takes effort to be a team's #1 WR and still have only 5 catches for 30 yards on the entire season. Shit, Kevin Curtis surpassed that number in the first Q yesterday.
@BC, forget covering the spread. Can the offense score more than 7 pts a game ? Gonna be a long season for us Bills fans.
The fact that "Raiders" and "Suck" weren't mentioned in the same sentence this morning has made me a happy girl.
brett favre is determined to single handedly bust my sportsbook.com account before midseason
This year's fantasy draft went , 1. LT, 2. S. Jackson, 3. L. Johnson… So far, I'm so glad i picked 4th this year.
DeAngelo Hall's mouth did a lot of sucking yesterday. He talked his way into a Falcons' loss.
How bout them Raiders? Kinda nice when you get to stick it to someone else for a change.
I second Jokerswild's sentiments. Those Eagles throwback uni's were an abomination. I'm guessing since they won big some jackass is going to come up with the bright idea to have them wear them again.
Punch, Was it worth it? To resort to the douchebaggery of Mike Shanahan? You may have won the game, but you sold your soul.
P.S. Is anyone else excited that the dad from American Chopper has assumed punting duties for my Browns?
lscwxman, if that decision is rendered we may have to set a high explosive charge in the Feables locker room.
Good God would someone kill Dan Snyder please? Or how about we dig Jack Kent Cooke out of the ground and see if that works? Ever since that midget took over the Skins, that team can't help but fall on their face year in and year out. And for the love of God, would Gibbs please throw the damn ball?! Losing to the Giants only beats out the Chargers getting beat by Packers. At least the Chargers were playing at Green Bay.
The Chargers are approaching "unmitigated disaster" status. I was one of the minority in San Diego who seemed to realize that you cannot lose in the playoffs unless you get there first. Let this be a lesson to all those who whine about how their team should replace the coach. Unless you have a better replacement available, just suck it up. This shall forever be known as the "Schottenheimer Principle." Which is subject to the "Shell Exception" — if your coach is Art Shell, you are allowed to replace him immediately and hire a small rock in his place.
Ufford, usually I try to fight with you about your unbridled hate for all things St. Louis (except toasted ravioli…mmmm), but it is totally deserved here. Scott Linehan is all about "ball control" and is very successful at it. However, the problem comes when we hold the ball all fucking game and never think, "You know what, I wonder what this thing would look like in the end zone?"
Maybe it would help if we got "Unfrozen Caveman Running Back" Steven Jackson a helmet that actually fits his huge fucking dome. Then and only then could the construda commence…
By the way, give credit where credit is due. Laurence "Construda" is a St. Louis product. See, that just proves that…uh…oh shit
Meh, it's still way to fucking early. Not to mention the Chargers can lose 4 more games, and still go on to win the division. The Broncos aren't going to do shit, unless Jason Elam can start kicking field goals from the back of his own end zone.