
Lions QB Jon Kitna — the Touchdown Assassin who predicted ten wins for Detroit before the season began — has been making good on his promise so far in leading his team to a 2-0 start. But Kitna must have made a pact with God, because the Big Guy Upstairs is now healing Kitna's brain contusions when He's not sending famines to countries who worship the wrong god. Witness:
Kitna was knocked out of the game against Minnesota on Sunday with a concussion, only to return and lead the Lions to an overtime win over the Vikings.
"I've never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle," Kitna said Monday. "I just definitely feel the hand of God. That's all it was. You can't explain it. "I have no headaches, no symptoms, no lingering effects. But that was the worst my head has ever felt, and the worse my memory was in the second quarter. Yet, after halftime there was nothing."
With Leather supports this theory and echoes Kitna in his heavenly praise. Considering Kitna beat the Vikings, perhaps Someone didn't like us naming Adrian Peterson Purple Jesus?
(Thanks to Craig)


So Mike Martz healed him?
Derek Anderson was fueled by Satan.
Fueled!!!!….by SATAN!!! It is the only sane explanation.
I think Jon Kitna has been drinking too much "Kool-aid of Delusion".
I thought the 9th Ward was heavily Christian?
Jesus also made sure Tavaris Jackson turned it over 5 times.
I'm thinking Purple Jesus accidentally healed him. Purple Jesus doesn't even know his own powers.
If God is a Lion's fan, explain the past 50 years to me please.
Yeah, got pretty quiet pretty fast around here.
@wwsm: Little known fact. God gets into masochism.
Does this make Tarvaris Jackson Judas?
Oh Lord, it's gonna be another long season for the purple people.
Ray Lewis feels slighted after reading this article.
Fucking shit, Drew. Man, that sucked.
@wwsm: Didn't Moses and his peps wander the desert for 40 something years before reaching the Promised Land? Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Jon Kitna has a baby dick
Kitna sure has a tiny package. Where the fuck was God on that one?
The Vikings are fueled by the Kansas State mascot. (enter kick ass guitar riff…)
Uh is he serious? Maybe he should ask the ex-players fighting Uncle Gene for disability how they felt after they were concussed. Oh yea, they all committed suicide already.
LOL @ Careless.
@LosNosotrosreal:
Wandering in the desert was an alternative to slavery.
The lions losing was an alternative to… what, exactly?
I think I'd rather build a pyramid than block for Tatum Bell.
Everyone knows God prefers white quarterbacks (see: Brady & Peyton, aka winners, and Vick, Culpepper, & Mcnabb, aka losers). That's where the Vikings fucked up. They should've kept Brad Johnson in that huddle and they would have made that field goal at the end of regulation. So in conclusion God doesn't like the Lions, he just hates Tarvaris Jackson.
@BigPhil: did you happen to catch any of the Vikings games last year when Johnson was the QB?
God claims no part of Detroit. It's in the Bible.
@WAS
Johnson threw 2 interceptions in 4 games against Detroit the past 2 seasons. Jackson had 4 interceptions in one game. I don't care about the rest of the Vikings schedule, I'm just saying they would have won against Detroit. Besides Johnson isn't even on their team anymore plus I couldn't think of any other white quarterbacks for the Vikings at the time I typed up my last comment.
Purple Judas?
Here's a scene that will come to mind every time someone mentions Viking football: [www.break.com]
God touched me once, only when I say God, I mean my uncle Teddy
Write me when Mr. Kitna's sky-god miraculously regrows an amputated limb … then I'll be impressed … it's just funny how it's always a combination of 'something that could have just cleared up on its own' & the 'argument from personal incredulity' …