First things first:  Daisuke Matsuzaka won his 15th game last night as the Boston Red Sox defeated the Minnesota Twins to clinch the AL East, their first division title since 1995.  Whoop-di-fucking-do, the Yanks are still in the playoffs.  By my calculations, Dice-K will only pitch a maximum of 6 more games (unless he's ridden like Grover Cleveland Alexander), so soak up the Yoko goodness sexy readers.  Does the NFL have any Japanese players?

And now the thrilling events of a mediocre league: the Philadelphia Phillies beat the mighty Washington Nationals thanks to the inspired pitching of Cole Hamels and another great catch by Aaron Rowand thus securing their 12th victory in 15 games.  Meanwhile in Queens where David Wright forgot what a force out was, the Mets lost for the 11th time in 15 tries as the Florida Marlins beat them 7-4.  The boys from Flushing were 7 games up on the Phils on September 12th, but now they find themselves 1 game behind with 2 to play . . . the Chicago Cubs bested the Cincinnati Reds 6-0 and Alfonso Soriano actually had an outfield assist.  The Cubs captured the NL Central courtesy of the San Diego Padres triumph over the Milwaukee Brewers.  Congratulations on winning the toughest division in sports – it must have been due to Dr. Venkman's dugout visit . . . and the Arizona Diamondbacks did something.  They either won the NL West or clinched a share of it or the Wild Card – something.  Anyway, whatever they did, it was good.  I think.  I was drunk when Fernando Vina explained it, and I also thought he instructed me to go to the gentleman's club through the pictocube. -KD