THE CRAFTSMANSHIP IS NONPAREIL
08.08.07
I'm usually not down for writing blog posts about the stupid crap that's on eBay unless it's something truly valuable, like a chick with big tits. But as studly reader Patrick noted, I think this lovingly crafted four-foot ceramic trophy honoring Barry Bonds deserves the proper recognition. Let's look at what the artist — nay, architect! — has to say about this thing of beauty:
You are witnessing the most electrifying piece of Barry Bonds sports memorabilia on the market. I can guarantee without a doubt there is absolutely nothing like this anywhere in the WORLD! This piece might even be worth more than Homerun ball #756! …this is your chance to own a ONE of a KIND piece of art!!! There aren't 755 other ones just like this = RARE = VALUABLE!
ABOUT THE PIECE: This is my 4 foot tall "Barry Bonds Homerun King" trophy! It is made entirely of clay, fired in a kiln, assembled since it was built in 4 seperate pieces (top, bottom and two columns) and hand painted. I got the idea over a year ago and started this Febuary. It took 5 months to finish and over 400 hours of work. It weighs approximately 200 lbs…
ABOUT THE ARTIST: I graduated from Bowling Green State University in 2005 where I was an art education major with a focus in ceramics(go figure)… I taught last year at a school in OHIO outside of Pittsburgh. I am currently going to be employed this year at a smaller school in Mid-OHIO… [Other works] included "Aggressive Mopeding", "National Paper Football Association", "Thumb Wrestling", "Cowtipping", and on and on… I draw alot of my ideas based on the idea of making an award of trophy for things there would not normally be an award or trophy! I usually assign a place to each trophy, but never first place. It kind of keeps you guessing like "wow thats a 6 foot trophy for thumb wrestling I wonder how big first place was!?" (get it). So as you can see my ideas are infinite.
I urge all you beautiful readers to make a bid on this 200-pound ceramic trophy. Without the NEA to support our young artists, we all need to chip in a little to ensure that Ohio kilns don't go cold. I fear what young men in Ohio might do with an extra 400 hours of free time.
The current bid is $102.50, but seeing as how there are still another ten days before the auction ends, I could see this reaching the low six-figures. In satang, that is.

I bid two bits.
Wow…This puts The Thinker to shame….Thanks for the SATANG link Matt, had a big old ? over my head on that one.
You know he had to use HGH to create/carry that thing…
I thought it might be a cake at first. If it was a cake, i'd be interested.
The scary part is, the statue is only half the size of Bonds' melon.
Also – what a waste of time. Unless some idiot really shells out the loot for it. Then…
Also – what a waste of time.Great idea!The concept is great, but that's the best he can do after 5 months and 400 hours? I've seen better looking "art" come out of a kindergarten class.
If the guy graduated from Bowling Green, you more than likely get free AIDS with your purchase.
That guy is like the Michaelangelo of Ohio. That piece is the David or Pieta of baseball.
Nonpareils are good on top of sundaes. What? Oh.
Truly, an achievement rivaling Barry's own. And I mean that quite literally. What Barry Bonds did is not really any better than making this statue. You want to impress people, Barry? It's going to take more than drugs that make you hit a ball really hard. I think you should shoot for "First Black Athelete to Hit a Home Run into Space". Now THAT would be a fucking statue.
Sotired- exactly! If that is what my art looked like after a degree I would demand my money back!
That's a whole lot of Lucky Charms marshmallows stuck together there. 'Course, they are magically delicious.
When I make my first billion, my solid gold mansion will be lined with this man's artwork.
I could see this reaching the low six-figures. In satang, that is.
As well as that 11 year old boy from Bangkok.
riiiiiight, and its the bloggers who are unemployed and living in mom's basement?
"So as you can see my ideas are infinite."
May I interrupt your boast with a counter-point? No, I actually can not see that.
Oh my God…..I completely missed the part about the art education major. (Note to self, DO NOT SEND KIDS TO BOWLING GREEN)
Where exactly is mid-Ohio ? I'm thinking the term he might have wanted to use was central Ohio.
Dude's from Ohio… but he's wearing a Big Red Football t-shirt. I think Nebraska has the trademark on that phrase… 'least round these parts.
I would also like to see the "National Paper Football" and "Aggressive Mopeding" trophies.
All this work and it's all crooked on one side, spirit level are nonpareil too, it seems, unless your in Pisa.
UPDATE: the current bid is up to $107.50.
Is there a way we can trade Ohio to Canada for Toronto and all-nude strip clubs?
Mid Ohio… It's between the h and the o.
I have a degree in comedy from Bowling Green.
His last teaching job ended after going into a parent-teacher conference and starting off with, "I've been touched by your kids…and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them"
Final bid – 109.81 (last second sniping)
Shipping – 150.00 (insurance, sturdy cardboard box made from used pizza boxes, duct tape)
Being in one piece after UPS or FedEx get their hands on it, no f'in chance. In the end it will look like a million tiny pastel turds instead of a giant pastel turd.
So at this rate, the return on his effort is $ 4 an hour?
MMP – try 25 cents
So he's behind this, right?
[futonreport.net]
If it had a some sort of stand covered in fine Corinthian leather I might be interested. As it is, no way.
Looks like the art department at Bowling Green has had a rapid influx of LSD.
I wish I could've graduated college by playing with Play Doh and paint.
Why is "The Cream" not a cream?
Uh, fellas, it's OHIO. Not the state, the acronym.
I was trying to think up an unfunny version of a joke, but I am stumped by 289's question. How less creamlike could dude's "The Cream" be? The cover of Disraeli Gears would be clever at least.
@Partyinmypants : ….
Aaaahhhhhhhh, yeah.