I've often wondered why exactly I'm not a huge fan of college football, and today I finally figured out: I'm far too emotionally balanced. I don't even base my self-worth on how my favorite teams perform; really, what kind of fan am I?
The latest example of college football insanity comes from Allen Beckett, a 53-year-old Oklahoma fan who allegedly assaulted Texas fan Brian Thomas in an Oklahoma City bar because Thomas was wearing a Longhorns shirt. Begin seat-shifting / cringe- and whimper-inducing details… now:
Thomas said he decided he'd had enough after about 20 minutes of Beckett's abuse so he went to the bar to pay his tab. When he turned around, he said Beckett grabbed his crotch and refused to let go. Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn't let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.
It's not often I say this, but I want everyone to know that if you're crying right now, I won't judge you. Not for crying, anyway. But you should know that that shirt you're wearing is really unflattering.
(Want nightmares? Keep reading.)
…heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. …heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.
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On the fun meter, this post is the antithesis of the Marques post.
Yep, my sac just shriveled in fear reading that.
polar opposites
Things I learned reading WL: a scrotum tear makes a noise audible in a barfight.
I can also file that under "things I never wanted to know". Bonus!
I always referred to the sooners as nut-twisters…
Both will participating in the next Presidential Election people. Canada ae?
Ummmm. scrotum tear? Ow.
I was going to say something about Longhorns and keeping them from breeding…but that type of behavior is totally and extremely fanatical. And only has a place in SEC football NOT Big 12 football.
The nutgrabber/sooner was certainly at fault, but the grabbee/'horn was real classy using this event to justify skipping child support.
Good odds that neither one of them ever took a college aptitude test, let alone enroll at their favorite school.
What happened to good old "jumping the guy with your drunk buddies, giving him a black eye, and breaking a few ribs?"
That's how we say "Hello" in Columbus, Ohio.
I ejaculated after reading that. Does that mean my balls just vomited?
Scrotum? Damn near killed 'em!
That's what happens when you go into enemy territory without your fuck lion, folks.
Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn't let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and
bloodballs ran down his leg.That's better.
Personally I think that was Brady Quinn masquerading as Beckett and when "cupping" time came along he found out he's not starting this year.
Rage ensued – balls be damned.
Who cares i've been mashing ovaries and splitting cervix's since I was 11. And i'm a Penn State fan. Big 10 shoutout! Ben Murphy smells like balls!
In the SEC, he would've just pulled down his pants and caressed his scrotum.
Can we get an interview with some black ass southerner, so that can be ridiculed by all or is it just white folks? If not can the site name be changed to Without Snitchin' ? I'm sure I'll be banned for tryin to suggest thay we keep it fair and all. "How dare some uppity cracker suggest that we stop teeing off on his people, goddamn it, BAN THE (how did dude put it so eloquently, oh yeah….) PREPPY BOY." It's funny to me that you get soooo many comments as soon as it's laugh at the white man day on Without Snitchin' . You just get one closet racist after another, but it's the internet so they have no fear of a Hush Puppie trademark on their fuckin forehead. I would love to hear some of these comments made in the presense of say Harvards squash team. No, didn't think so. If you won't say it in a room full of WASPS……. yeah, refrain bitches.
289: I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Seriously. No idea.
Honestly, neither do I.
Harvard's squash team? Meh. I hear they part their hair from the right. How gauche is that?
i wish i could describe the hatred between ou and texas. oh wait i can, they beat us! fuck them or its we fucking kicked your ass 5 years in a row, who cares about the last two. its pointless and annoying.
Matt, tell 289 that he needs to save those Garbage plates for dinner, no more for lunch.
289, does someone have access to your account?
Looks like that was another case of the queer attacking the steer
@hbick – i think the hatred betwixt you all is clear – it's now and shall forevermore be called;
scrotum tearing hatred…
I sold it to the highest bidder on ebay. These accounts are priceless.
They are quite literally priceless. Of course, I think it goes without saying that based on that odd and rambling diatribe, whoever paid for your account is clearly deranged.
Go back one post and all will be explained.
289, the only thing left to do is tie your sweater around your shoulders and head off to a regatta, you white devil.
Ah, I just got caught up. Well played, sir.
I would but the Benz is in the shop and Babsy refuses to ride in the MG after getting her hair done.
Fuck. Is that what law school feels like? I'm caught up now too.
You leave a thread for 5 minutes and all hell breaks loose…
@289,
Don't know how you do it man, fuckin brilliance. Oh and I went back one post, I loved the graphic on the header. I was wondering; can I get one of those posterized so i can show it to my
mommammy, she'd be's loveded it.@AngelEyesVanCleef(for now): parted on the left would be gauche. Right would be adroit. I think I hate myself.
Oklahoma has schools? I thought those were minimum security detention centers.