Listen, people. I know you think you're tough. You may have grown up in a rough neighborhood. You may have gotten into some nasty fights, maybe had a couple brushes with the law, spent some time in juvie. But nothing — and I mean nothing — can prepare you for the skate park. That place is dangerous, and I don't want you going around there any more. Those kids are fucking roughnecks.
p.s. Because nothing's too good for my dulcet readers, there's extra-hilarious slo-mo after the jump. #1 Cubs fan sounds like a wounded animal on the Serengeti.
(Thanks to hunky gay friend Lance for the heads-up.)
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Too….many…..jokes….
Reminds me of when Kyle punched Cartman and the long "Moooooooooooooooom" that Cartman cried out.
On that topic, whatever happened to Nancy Kerrigan?
That's the sound Tito Ortiz's tongue makes.
Quiet! I think Chewie is trying to tell us something.
Just don't hurt my Huffy!
lol
kid goes from thinking he's a real badass to the biggest pussy on the face of the earth
wait, i take that back. Jenna Jameson still has him beat, but not by much
Isnt that a chick in the Cubs jersey? Either way, its always hilarious to see Cub fans get hurt.
Whoa….watching it a second (and third time) I just noticed that a baseball goes rolling away from Fat Cubs Kid. Any chance this is Steve Bartman's kid?
Threadjack
Whatever happened to DoogieinRichmond? Not that I'm complaining.
/Threadjack
He hasnt really posted in a while
he couldnt take the drama caused by marques whatever… sepaking of which, we've had posts about black people and havent been berated by colonel stink on any of them since… wtf?
speaking*
Whatever happened to DoogieinRichmond?
? Thought he just got hit by a skateboard.
Commenting about other commenters? Take that act over to the Deadspin chat room.
Focus, people: there's a kid wailing like a stuck pig.
His wail reminds me of the grape stomp lady, a youtube and interwebs classic. (If you are not familiar, go to youtube immediately and search for 'grape stomp lady').
I'd have liked to have seen MMA fighter and fat kid punisher Ben Rothwell enter the frame and dispense a flurry of back of the head punches to really give the kid something to wail like an air raid siren about.
grape stomp lady
I've already fallen for the lemon party. What makes you think I'll make that mistake again?
*goes to youtube and searches grape stomp lady*
Jesus. Grape stomp lady makes skateboard wailer look like Blain, "Ain't got time to bleed" from Predator.
Told you it was awesome.
Somwhere in the Pacific, a whale answers.
I haven't heard crying like that since my wedding night.
What the hell does Cub Fan throw at skater boi? Looks like rhythmic gymnast's ribbon.
Grape stomp lady has the scream to end all screams.
Someone's gonna grow up to be a real winner… or a woman.
Can't imagine how he'd handle a groin shot
I thought Vince Carter's contract SPECIFICALLY said he can't go to skate parks?
grape stomp lady's guttural moans of agony give me nightmares… this kid's wailing makes me want to put him out of his misery