By now you probably know that things aren't going well for the NY Rangers' Sean Avery. Not only have you never heard of him because he's a hockey player, but after getting dumped by fiancée Elisha Cuthbert, he struck out with Paris Hilton and her terrifying lazy eye.
The N.Y. Ranger… tried his luck with Hilton at Amy Sacco's LG House party in Malibu. "He hit on her three times, but every time, Paris would give him disgusted looks and move away from his creepy shoulder-brushing and close-talking ways," said our snitch. The rebuffed Avery hit on other blonds. "You could tell he just wanted to hook up," said the spy.
I'm surprised this didn't get 108-point font headlines on the New York Times. This marks the first time in history that Paris has (a) not fucked some dude and (b) not screwed over a girlfriend to fuck some dude.
I hope at the end of the night Avery went home and jerked off with a cheese grater. Four out of five doctors say it's safer than sex with Paris Hilton. And if you picture Don Zimmer or Popeye while you do it, it's just as sexy.
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Too much spunk in the eye will do that to you. Ask Stu Scott.
Booyah!
Blond for men, blonde for women. So apparently, Sean Avery like the cock.
Great picture of Cuthbert, by the way.
If you're quasi-famous and can't seal the deal with that whore, might be time to pull the old Owen Wilson.
This is like the time my dog ran away!
Cheese grater, huh? Does he get his sexual desires from the Ralph Ciffaretto book of love? And Owen Wilson did not try to kill himself. Owen has 50 million reasons to live..
I heard she turned over a new leaf…
or did they say queef?
@CTC
What are you doing here? You get out there and you find that fucking dog!
I have been turned down by girls way hotter than Paris. So take that Sean Avery!
Avery is a punkassbitch.
@ Lattimer – and one big reason to kill himself – that nose, and you, me, and dupree. that movie was a steaming pile of dung. Wait, that's two. Whatever.
I don't understand why celebrities feel the need to pull the 'cry for help/attention' when they already have cameras following them around constantly. In my book, anyone who 'attempts' suicide doesn't really want to die. You either kill yourself, or you don't. There shouldn't be any in between. The only acceptable suicide attempts are if you happen to survive a multi-story fall (embarrassing) or when Ed Norton killed Brad Pitt at the end of fight club. That's it.
Y’see this is what happens when you go to arbitration with the Rangers – they question your dedication, your discipline, and then they have Paris “Spread ‘em” Hilton turn you down. By this time next year, Avery will accept a 7 year contract with the Rangers for a buck fifty, if, y’know, it isn’t too much of a problem.
Suicide is never funny – except when clowns are involved…
That's not a lazy eye, she just gots the permanent "Sperm Squint" going on.
Didn't Avery know that Jose Theodore (and probably about 4 more we don't know about) already filled Paris' hockey player quota?
¿Quien es mas vapid?
She just gots the permanent "Sperm Squint" going on.
So she's halfway to an "Angry Pirate" right there.
In Avery's defense, his (non-hockey) game is pretty strong if a dude who looks like him could knock the bottom out of Cuthbert for 2 years and not have to marry her or have sex with Paris "I Can't Think Up a Witty Nickname For This Harlot" Hilton. So who's the real winner? Me, because Mom put yogurt in my lunch for dessert.
To make matters worse, later in the night Hilton was seen having a three way with Avery Johnson and Steve Avery.
How much of a scumbag do you have to be to get rejected over a guy nicknamed "The Little General" and well….Steve Avery?
^^^To complete the train, William "Uncle Phil" Avery pounded his gavel hard into that white ass.
How in the world do you ever allow yourself to screw up a relationship with Elisha Cuthbert? She's so hot I watched Nico the Unicorn all the way through.
In my mind, Paris told Avery, "Sorry, I don't do turtles." Then she rolled to another party and got plowed by Derek Boogaard.
289, now that he's no longer attached to Elisha, you can find Avery, oh, anywhere far away from Jarkko Ruutu: [thepensblog.blogspot.com]
Enrico- Thats James Avery
FYI – Nikki Cox's middle name is Avery. That's an Avery that I can deal with.
FYI – Eli Manning's First name is Elisha. I'm not even joking.
Throwbot –
What's even weirder is that Eli Manning auditioned to be Jack Bauer's daughter on 24 while he was in high school. He got rejected because his screams were "too girly."
Vince Tremblay: Yeah, Sean Avery is a better diver than Mark Louganis (and has AIDS too)!
[www.youtube.com]
Oh, WINNER. I thought you said "wiener."
Elisha was a male prophet, throwbot.
When Eli Manning grows up he wants to be Elisha Cuthbert.
When Paris Hilton grows up she wants to be Jack Elam – she'll need more tits and a hell of a lot more talent.
@PRG:
Nice Billy Madison reference way up there,