Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings?  Well, yes: Bill Simmons in spandex.  And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.

1. Scarlett Johansson. Will I go see The Nanny Diaries?  Christ no.  Our love is too deep for me to need to hear her speak.

2. Ashley and the Argonauts.  Greatest thing I saw all week, hands-down.  And if the steeplechaser eating hurdle that I posted on Monday is any indication, Ashley could make it on Deadspin as early as next week.

3. The Dreambaby. Congratulations, Jonathan Edward Thomas Moynahan.  (Why do I get the feeling he's going to lose his virginity to Shiloh Jolie-Pitt?)

4. Skateboarding.  Couple different videos of our greatest young Americans this week, but my vote goes to the wail of this young Cubs fan. 

5. Blind people.  They never have to see this.

6. Peter Gammons.  GAMMONS!  PETER GAMMONS!!!

7. SEC Poon.  And just in time for the start of the football season!

8. Travis Henry.  Nine kids with different women isn't a lot.  If you're Wilt Chamberlain.

9. Bills fans.  Even though this guy's head exploded, they get the nod for 289's stellar week.

10. E pluribus unum.  After all these years, still a pretty rad Latin phrase.

Random YouTube o' da week: This video would be better if Fergie got breast cancer.