POOR CLEVELAND
08.02.07
The first version of this LeBron James/Nike spoof appeared today on a KSK post that railed against Brady Quinn's holdout. After that it appeared on Deadspin, at which point our main man 289 doctored it up to show why Charlie Frye has that particular expression on his face. (And if 289 thinks he's getting paid for this post, he is gravely mistaken.)
Anyway, the point is… well, there isn't a point, really. But there's nothing else going on, I thought it was funny, and it seemed a good way to mention that (a) tonight is my first fantasy football draft ever, and (b) I shall never mention my fantasy football team on this site ever again. However, since I'm woefully under-prepared and have no idea what I'm doing, I thought I'd open up the comments for any suggestions you might have for me. Please make all sarcasm obvious, lest I take the Texans' defense with my first pick.
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Incredible job, 289.
take a running back in the first round. Just do it.
and I am *still* laughing at this picture, 289 – a work of art.
Usually, you want a team that'll get you as many points as possible. In order to do this, you need to pick the best player available for you right now. This doesn't mean that you just choose running backs all day, either; choose for need as well! And, on top of everything else, make sure your players don't get injured.
That thing's so great it deserves a slow clap started in it's honor…….CLAP…….
Just reserve your number one pick for the Sex Cannon. The Armcock will take care of the rest. . . GO DEEP!
That picture is fucking hilarious.
Real ff advice: Go RB-RB in the first two rounds. Fantasy leagues are won with RBs. Oh, and as a Bears fan, I can tell you to stay away from Cedric Benson. He won't last 8 games. And dont bother taking a kicker until the last round. And be sure to drink throughout the experience.
I'm not clever enough for fake fantasy advice.
Do NOT take whoever the hell is on the cover of Madden. It's only an myth until it happens to you.
Stupid fucking Shaun "But God healed my foot" Alexander.
If you can get Carson Palmer second round……do it. Maurice Jones Drew when all the top RB's are gone….and
HOUSHMANDZADEH = CHAMPIONSHIP. Gouzoontite.
Another question: when's the earliest a QB should be drafted?
Oh, and as a Bears fan, I can tell you to stay away from Cedric Benson.
Ugh, seriously? 1500+ yards rushing.
Another question: when's the earliest a QB should be drafted?
IMO, it depends on how deep your league is. If its 10 or 12 or more teams, if Peyton is sitting there at the beginning of the second, you can make a case for him there. But you could wait until the 3rd, 4th, or 5th for guys like Palmer, Brees, McNabb, Brady, etc.
But you definitely need at least two good RBs, so I always go RB/RB.
Ugh, seriously? 1500+ yards rushing
Come on Bears fan, look at it objectively. Three guys had 1500 or more yards last year. But you think benson, who has gotten his knee blown out in two of his 20 pro games, is gonna rush for 1500? I hope so, but Im staying away.
The RB-RB combo wins the league myth is just that. I dominated my league last year on QB/WR strength. Bulger and some combo of Colston, Housmadadday, and a couple of other receivers that I don't remember destroyed my James/Westbroke backfield week in/week out.
I regularly beat teams by doubling their score or more.
Koolaid already told you to Wash U Ass and that U begul shitting. I think, just out of gratitude, he should be taken with your first pick. Unless you can trade that pick for some construda, which I hear is excellent this time of year.
Unless you have to pick a complete roster in the draft I wouldn't even pick a K or D. Spend the extra two picks on a QB/RB/WR etc. that you feel good about and just wait and see what happens in the preseason (injuries, suckitude etc.). Then when regular season comes drop two and pick up your K & D. Also, I wouldn't take a QB until the 6th round or so. Marc Bulger is a great fantasy QB and he ALWAYS seems to be available in the 6th. Good luck.
QBs: Look for Vick (too soon?) and Harrington.
Defense: Miami — never turn down a defense led by Joey Porter.
Bleh, that's all I got.
Looking at it objectively, I'm forced to remind myself that Benson was a bit of a malcontent while TJ was around. He actually slapped Benson I heard yesterday. I think he was bullshittin the injuries. I don't like that crap, but he is waaaay better than TJ, and he is getting all the carries for a team that rushed for 1900 yards last year.
I'd take Pujols as soon as possible. If not, then Ryan Howard.
only 2 QBs should be drafted before round 4…
Payton in round 2
and Palmer in round 3.
Wait until round 5 to grab another (the McNabbs, Hasselbecks, Bradys of the world should be there around then
Draft all Eagles. You'll only have one bad week – Bye Week. Also, kickers have deceptive points power. I'll sacrifice on a 3rd WR to get a top scoring kicker. 9 points a week? Yes please.
@ 289:
It depends on the league rules. I was once in a league where you got a point for every reception and every completion. I took Marvin Harrison and Steve Smith in the first two rounds and gloriously took home the title.
In "typical" leagues, however, RBs are fucking golden. And by typical I mean leagues that give one point for every ten yards rushing.
In today's modern dual running back world, you can and should grab a top WR or QB with one of your top two picks. Always grab that solid RB in one of the top two rounds, but then take a top flight other skill set guy and just load up on RB maybes. Think about all the teams that are going dual RB this year (falcons, panthers, redskins, buffalo, minnesota, new orleans, etc. etc.). Grab a few of those guys and some will stick and you'll also have a top notch WR or QB.
Oh, and the Bears defense is the only one worth drafting before the 8th or 9th round, and thats only if the league offers 6 points for every int/fumble/kick/punt return.
Carson is going to kill it this year…..trust me. I'm no saying top of second round. Like if you are in a 12 team league all the best RB'S are gone midway through the second and if you take an RB there you are reaching….so take Payton or Carson.(Payton usually goes 1st round.) Palmer will be the best QB this year and is a sure thing.
I'm sure this has been said time and time again but; FUCK CLEVELAND!
Btw, Kevin Durant is a total fantasy sleeper. Take Kevin Durant 1st.
Remember too – the waiver wire is your friend.
With more and more teams platooning their RB's, 289 is not wrong about the value of having great QBs & WRs. I still always like to take a strong RB first, but I've been known to take a Steve Smith or a Peyton with my second pick. Of course, I've never finished higher than second place & one year finished dead last so I might not be the best advisor.
Ummm…yeah, what Rembrandt said.
All right, I am really revealing myself as a fantasy dork, but who cares. Here we go:
The RB-RB combo wins the league myth is just that
Im not saying draft RB/RB no matter what. If the 2nd round comes along and the best RB is a mediocre starter or a guy splitting carries, obviously you would want a top tier QB or receiver. But if your picks are middle of each round, you really can't go wrong with getting RB/RB. Its pretty rare to not have at least two solid RBs and win a league (unless you stumble upon a Colston like 289 did).
Also, when healthy, Westbrook is a fucking beast.
Thank God this topic came up so all the nerds could come out an offer up advice that helped them finish fourth last year. My advice?
When in doubt, always try to draft a dead guy. Darrent Williams is on the board this year. I can't tell you how many years now I've brought up Korey Stringer at a draft. Always lightens the mood of the room.
-Grinderstad's bump and grind
Our league was heavy on RB points, hell I took James then Westbrook then Gates (get him!) and it didn't matter. Unless you got LdT or LJ it didn't make a difference. The way the platoons go they all cancel each other out. You just need steady points from them (aka not James), your wins come from the big weeks by WR's and QB's. I only lost one game last year and that was by 1 point on a week that I couldn't start a whole team.
Bulger is a fantasy god. Colston is a stud. Gates is basically a top WR but doesn't take up a WR spot. And after watching him in camp Lynch is going to be a mid-round steal by the end of the year.
Finally, it should go without saying, but I'll state it anyway…do not draft any Raiders.
You'll look at Jerry Porter just sitting there on the board and you think, "He's big. He's fast. He's talking about being recommited." And, you'll be tempted. Then, you'll remember – the dude throwing him the ball is either named Walter, Culpepper or McCown. No good will come of that.
As my act of homerism, I do end up with the Seabass on my team(s) at some point every season. Since the Raiders don't seem to bother scoring TD's anymore, Seabass has actually brought me a few victories.
Take Kevin Durant 1st.
Sarah Spain disagrees with this advice…
Isn't the word Cleveland derived from an ancient Incan phrase meaning Douche of the Llama? I think it is. Yeah, definatly.
one word : Eli Mother-Fucking Manning. First Round
/sarcasm
I'll agree that RB's are very important, if 2 good ones are still out there in the first and second round I say grab them. A RB work horse and one who gets decent catch yards is a good option as well. Depending on how you league sets up their points, look closely at this before the draft to see where you can get the most points from, a work horse RB will get you lots of points. Some leagues set up points heavy on touchdowns and very little on yards or vice versa so look at that as well. Also look for teams that use a utility back to pound it in from close to the end zone, their main back can get 30 yards on the drive down, but if he doesn't get the TD points its almost worthless, might want to shy away from those if possible. I do look for goal line touchdowns for each back if I can find that stat and compare it to the rest. Its not THAT big of a deal, but it might make the difference between your choices.
Also, if you happen to get a great QB to just fall into your lap its hard not to draft him, happened to me last year with Peyton, I had the 7th pick overall and there he was, I couldn't refuse, ended up being a great decision but it can come back to bite you.
The best advise I think anyone can give is don't let yourself get caught up in the "he's my favorite player and I must have him on my team" thing. I had a stupid friend 1 year that traded his main RB and WR for Vick and it totally fucked him. Duh.
My only advice: Don't do it.
if yahoo F's it up again, Marques Colston at TE is a Beast.
For my money, running backs don't get any more productive than that Curtis Martin kid. You'll be hearing more about him this season.
I wasn't gonna give away my secret weapon, but fuck it I guess I'll share. There's this kid Herschel Walker, he'll be a household name soon enough. Kids a beast. A beast I tells ya.
3 words. Fran Co Harris
Four simple rules:
(1) First three rounds take 2 RBs and a QB, in any order.
(2) After first three rounds, take best player available no matter what position.
(3) Only exception to (2) is you have to handcuff your RBs by getting their backups at some point in the middle rounds.
(4) Only suckers pick a kicker before the final round.
(Pssssssst. Psssssst. Dude. Check it out. OJ McDuffie. Bank on him.)
(Hey. Hey man. Hey man. Louis Lipps has hands like pillows.)
H'mm? Go Banana?
I wanted to pick a fantasy football team but now i'm, er… I'd better sleep on it.
Don't forget about Torry Holt, he's a solid 1,000+ yard and 10+ TD WR every year.
Sweet! A sports blogger who's never done a fantasy draft!!!! How do I get this fucking job?
Handcuffing doesn't mean what you think it means.
Here's my keys to a successful draft and winning the championship this year (2 years in a row, baby!)
-Always, *ALWAYS* take a RB in the first round. Yes, I know Peyton is a god, but the only year he killed me was his 49 TD year.
-If the RBs are thin in round two (like if you have the last pick that round) take a chance on either Palmer or Brady. I know it sounds crazy, but look at what Brady has to work with this year. He should hit 28-32 TDs for you. If Palmer and Brady are gone, then look at WRs (Chad Johnson, T.O and Harrison are good picks and will produce better numbers usually than the 12th RB taken). If it's a snake draft and you have pick #1, you could easily wind up with your first three picks being LT, Palmer/Brady and Chad Johnson. That's a heavy lineup.
-Try to handcuff your star RBs. If you take LT, take Michael Turner. If you take Alexander, take Morris. Usually the 8th or 9th round is a nice time to take them.
-I also like to take my QBs #1 WR when possible. Last year I had Eli Manning and Plaxico. They combined for 34 TDs and I got Eli in the 5th round and Plaxico in the 6th. If you take Palmer in the 2nd and Johnson is there in the 3rd, take him. Moss will be worth a gamble in the 4th this year. I fully expect him to catch at least 10 TDs from Brady.
-Stay away from the 2nd year QBs until towards the end of the draft. Cutler, Young and Leinhart will struggle early on. If you get a top QB, don't take another QB until the later rounds of the draft.
-Defenses are overrated. Never take one before the 9th round. And for the love of god, don't select two.
-Same for kickers, but change it to *the* final round. There is always one or two kickers who go undrafted and are available past week 2 that will outscore 90% of the kickers drafted. Claim one of them after week 1 or 2 and dump the chump you selected.
-Spend 10 minutes and look over the scoring for your league. If they offer points on returns, Maurice Jones Drew and Lawrence Maroney move into the top 6 overall *if* they are still return men this year. Jones had 860 yards and Maroney had 773 last year. Hester would be worth a 3rd round pick even without the assurance of what he can do on offense.
That's all I can really think of. If you get the #1 pick, you better take LT. I won't be surprised if he breaks 22 TDs again this year.
alright buddy. first time posting, new account – reading what these so-called "friends" have advised you to do compelled me to action. stop listening to anyone who gives you simple rules for your draft layout. honestly, a successful draft requires more than one night's forethought but it's ok, have fun, and if you enjoy the league take it seriously next year. all that said, here's how i approach a draft (these principles led me to top-scoring in my league the only year i've implemented them – before last year i didn't have a clue).
1) Consistency matters: Chad Johnson killed teams that took him early last year, because it took him until week 9 to start producing big time. Yeah, he singlehandedly won people 2 games in weeks 9 and 10, but those first 8 weeks, if you needed him, you were already out of the playoffs. I'll take Harrison or Holt with their week-to-week production to get the same numbers, thank you very much (at QB this means Peyton/Brady/Palmer/McNabb-types over Brees/Rivers/Romo/Young types – RBs are another matter, we'll discuss below).
2) RBs age quickly, O-line matters more than talent, RB committees are changing the game: Shaun Alexander still has a broken foot and a swiss-cheese line. Larry Johnson carried over 400 times last year. Do you know how many RBs in the last 20 years have carried over 370 times in a season and not suffered a serious injury the next year? NONE. Look at running backs situationally, and value them accordingly. Young backs with good lines (Addai, Parker, Maroney, Bush, Jones-Drew, Rudi to an extent, Benson (hate to say it), Gore, Ronnie Brown, Lynch if he gets the job for real) are better than high-carry backs with suspect lines (Portis, LJ, Alexander, Green). Make sure you trust the O-line of your top back, and if you don't like the situation of your second back (too old, too broken, bad line), start picking up 3rd and 4th backs quickly. Also, RB committees have decreased the overall value of the position in fantasy. Face it: an RB committee is a good idea in real football – it rests your best back and gives different looks to the defense. Let the idiot to your left jump off the Travis Henry bridge – don't get screwed by investing too much in an RB whose coach loves to switch things up. Also, once the RBs who have a clear hold on a job are gone, don't stress the position too much. Reliable WRs (see above) are generally better for your week-to-week results than committee backs. Take some gambles in the later rounds on a few backs with potential and hope one or two pans out – maybe you can trade them down the road.
3) WATCH YOUR BYE WEEKS: it sucks to have 4 good backs after the draft and realize 3 have the same week off. Make sure the bench WRs you get have easy matchups during your top WRs' bye weeks. Another problem comes from having two committee backs from the same team (they have the same bye week). Just be aware of the headaches these situations can cause for your roster and you'll draft smarter.
4) Check your loyalties at the door: I'm a boston sports fan. Didn't keep me from picking Posada in baseball (having a career year in his contract year) and didn't keep me from taking Harrison and Addai in my keeper football league last year. Fantasy sports are fantasy sports and real sports are real sports. Separate the two in your mind and you will have more success. Pick your lineups based on who you THINK will do well. Set them. Then, go watch your team and root for them without worry. If things worked out how you expected fantasy-wise, it's a bonus.
Other thoughts: Forget about the silly strategies of pairing players from the same team. A good fantasy player is good regardless. People just think it's fun to see points pop up at the same time from 2 players on their team (like if your Palmer tosses a TD to your Housh). Play the odds and ride your hunches and it'll work out more often than not. Toss out the idea of having a clear position you want to pick for in each round. Tier the players at each position, and when a tier is running out, pounce. Don't pick a kicker till the last round. Don't pick a Defense until the second to last round unless it's a sure thing. (I don't think there are any sure thing defenses this year.)
AND: don't read any fantasy advice by someone who won't make their methodology clear. those people are commonly known as blowhards. Good luck!
Never underestimate the value of a good Tight End. Antonio Gates produced like mad for me last year. And unless you are the top 4 picks, you will not get LT or Peyton or Shawn Alexandra. So pick a good RB from the second tier. Good luck.
I want to laugh… but all I can muster are tears…
At least the Cavs don't totally suck.