Here's the latest from our friend and favorite NFL spoof lyricist, BradyFan83.  And, uh, it's a little bit… different.  Here it is in a nutshell:

• BradyFan misses kicker Joe Nedney. 
• BradyFan wishes Nedney still played for the Titans. 
• Heart-wipes are the best directorial cut for expressing love.

If you're troubled by the Photoshopped images of imagined man-love, it may be best if you focus instead on the pictures of groin shots.  Or ignore it altogether.  Or send me some tips, because holy crap is nothing going on today.

Arthur Jones, the man who invented Nautilus equipment and revolutionized personal fitness in America, has passed away at the age of 80.  A Navy veteran of World War II, Jones lived his life eccentrically and enthusiastically.

Mr. Jones was a rough-and-tumble character who had six wives, a nearly lifelong smoking habit and an affection for exotic animals like rattlesnakes and crocodiles, which he kept at his farm… From early in his life, Mr. Jones was enamored of animals. He tracked big game in Africa and ran an import-export business for wild animals, flying the animals himself in old B-25 bombers, his son said.

The Nautilus business grew from its Florida home, and Mr. Jones eventually bought a sprawling farm near Ocala where he kept his airplanes and an assortment of wild animals, including elephants, snakes, alligators, crocodiles and a gorilla named Mickey…

Mr. Jones once said, according to his son, “I shot 630 elephants and 63 men, and I regret the elephants more.”

Fuck.  Yes.  I want to be Arthur Jones.  You know, except alive.  Godspeed, good sir.  Rest in gunshot-filled peace.

[FanHaus] 

Today the New York Times places its discerning spotlight on the NFL's new ad campaign, aimed at improving the image of the league in the wake of an offseason of Michael Vick, Pacman Jones, and a bevy of other run-ins with the law.  Rather than respond directly to the legal woes of a small group of players, the ads — which feature Matt Hasselbeck, Willie McGinest, Brady Quinn, Vince Young, and Braylon Edwards — proactively highlight positive aspects about standout players.

The commercials feature five players — selected for their marquee names and clean-cut images — and are planned to run through the 2007-8 football season, appearing on television and on Web sites like nfl.com… In [one] spot, [Young] discusses how all his rose tattoos are in honor of “the women in my life,” including his mother, sisters, nieces and a grandmother. “I’m trying to get another rose,” Mr. Young says, “for my other grandmother; I don’t want to upset her.”

Sure, I guess this could work.  Or… instead of using Cleveland Browns as 60% of the league's representatives, they could just run a highlight package of people getting hit really hard.  "Yeah!  That guy got knocked out!  NFL players are awesome!" 

But whatever, the tattoo thing is good, too.

I don't know exactly what it is about this heavy metal tribute to Peter Gammons that I like so much.  I think it reminds me of the intro to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie.  We all need more Mastodon in our lives.

(Via Extra Mustard) 

The LA Galaxy lost to Mexico's Pachuca in the $1 million Superliga final last night on penalty kicks, and — even worse — lost David Beckham to a sprained knee when he and an opponent tried to kick the ball at the same time.  Despite a bicycle kick goal in stoppage time to tie the game, the Galaxy fell apart thanks to an own-goal from Peter Vagenas (heh) and Landon Donovan's meek tap of a failed PK.  Strange, Landycakes is usually so reliable in pressure situations.  FanHaus recaps the carnage:

The Galaxy's 2007 embarassment is now complete. The club will win no trophies and see no postseason action, Beckham now has injuries to his left ankle and right knee, and the rest of the team needs a complete overhaul.

So they've got that going for them. 

Too bad he didn't injure his penis.  I bet Victoria could heal the shit out of it.  I still think she's a sexy cyborg sent from the future to save mankind from ugliness.

Team USA beat the hell out of Uruguay in Round 2 of  the FIBA Americas torunament.  LeBron James shot 11-of-11 from the field in 14 first-half minutes to raise his tourney-leading shooting percentage to 79.7%, which is somewhat better than average.

The video above is not from that game.  These are the highlights from the other night's victory over Brazil.  But cut me some slack — I'm trying to work with slashed wrists.